Excuse me for spewing love songs all over the internet, but this is what's playing in the background right now and it needs to be here. I'll cut it a bit for ya.
Well you've done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks
and now I'm trying to get back
Before the cool done run out
I'll be giving it my bestest
Nothing's going to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon its again my turn to win some or learn some( Read more... )
No I won't hesitate no more, no more
This cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours, I'm yours
Basically right now my life feels like dancing in warm rain. I am enjoying it so much, and even learning to relax a little bit about that. I have done cool things, spent more time than I believed imaginable with cool people new and old, learned so much interesting stuff, gathered and accepted so many opportunities, been presented with so many workable challenges... If I had ever been in the habit of being optimistic about the future I'd say my dreams are come true, but to be honest I'd never have thought to aim so high. And don't get me wrong, I am high right now, I'm riding very little sleep and a spring surge and hormones and the trailing edge of this chaos wave. Don't worry, I'm a pro. When it all goes over I'll try not to breathe too much water.
I want to tell you about all the highlights that have happened lately, but I need you to realise I haven't been sleeping. Normally this isn't possible for me. I self-destruct. Lately I haven't been able to settle, and even when I go to sleep at 4am I wake up at 6 and pop out of bed, so a lot has been happening.
One of those things was the Bridging the Gap Engineers Without Borders Conference which I went to on Saturday with CrazyChris. At the beginning of the day they gave us a sticky note, and they asked us to write on it what got us out of bed in the morning, and then during the course of the day stick it on the board. I wrote, "I live the world and I get to be a part of it!". Normally I'm not a fan of chirrupy engagement-building exercises (if I'm there, it's because I am engaged, I don't waste time and money on things I would only engage with because a man in a banana suit started a chant or something), but I was pretty solid on that one. Not only did I get to hear some amazing speakers say some incredible things-- no punches were pulled, there was little in the way of shock-rhetoric but also little sugar-coating --but I got to meet some cool people, get some great info, and spend some time with my birthday twin who's been mentally on vacation in the land of theatre and internet memes for the last couple of years. Chris and I were frothing at the mouth together, grabbing each other's legs, making muffled choking sounds, and otherwise engaging deeply with both each other and the content-- and I had missed that so much. He's the guy who started me down the urban part of my path, who's half-convinced me that big cities may be worthwhile and desireable enough that it's worth the administrative hell of keeping them around, who introduced me to ethical eating and also to basically all the people I'm friends with now, and who... well, he's just very special to me. I had missed him, and there he was, back with me for a whole day. I had missed eating with him. I had missed his high level of reaction. I had missed his engagement with the world around him-- so many people are so very ignorant or head-in-the-sand.
Also Hans Rosling compared Christopher Columbus to Hitler, showed a trade-deficit thingy of the world and commented, 'in the US, they always give the black man the crappy job', and otherwise blew my mind. Then there was the guy from Bangladesh, who was super hardcore. He gives us some figures: land area of Canada, land area of Bangladesh. Population of Canada, population of Bangladesh. Then he says: "30% of Bangladesh will be under water in 20 years." He talks about this for a bit, including things like climate refugees. At the end, during question period, some kid puts up his hand and says in effect: I don't want to accept refugees, that problem's pretty hards, so maybe in Canada we'll be doing enough of our part if we just buy new cellphones less often (note: the 'new cellphones less often' were his own worlds). Iqbal responds, and I swear I don't know how he did this, "Thank you for your question." Then he mentioned that his government was willing to do basically anything that would help, but was also focusing resources on poverty reduction and there was some question as to priorities there.
Oh, that does not do the conversation justice. Here's how it felt to me. Guy: we have little land and lots of people. You have lots of land. Soon our land will all be underwater. Kid: We could replace our cellphones less often in Canada, then we'd have done our part. Guy: Thank you for your question. My country will be underwater. The people actually need places to stand. We are willing to look at all assistance however. Chris and I: *stare in horror*
In addition to that, I've been reconnecting with other people. I looked up Bevan the other day and chatted with him for awhile. He's generally a little awkward, and I was pleasantly surprised that a lot of that had dissipated and we could just talk about cool stuff. I am also always thrilled when someone I haven't talked to in two years doesn't hold that against me.
Tillie too has been re-entering my life. There was an impact play workshop at her place (slapping, kicking, punching) to which I brought Angus, and afterwards she beat him up a little bit and I watched and it was all super shiny. We agree that family dinner will start again. It would not be family dinner without her.
I worked at the Pan overnight between a couple of those things (did I mention I have NOT been sleeping?) and remembered how cool my bosses are. It's comfy to talk casually with them during work, and that means so much. Also I got to be a plant ninja, which would be more fun if I was not half-dead with sleep dep but is always kinda cool.
What else has been happening? Cameos at social events, some settling in and coming to terms with the relationship stuff going on in my head including a very new and very shiny someone (his handwriting is so beautiful) and the surprising slam into familiarity of someone else, little bits of chatting with Angus and no fretting there. I notice that there is such a depth of love with my old friends, where the breadth might have been worn away with lack of contact the thing still feels so very powerfully anchoring-- while with new people the challenge of engaging and figuring them out is so very strong and stimulating. I may be coming to accept endings a tiny bit more, and not to let them angst the whole experience of everything ever in advance. Maybe. (see: song)
And on top of all of that the air today felt like soft blankets in a cradle-- not cold, very soft, very present, and it smelled so lovely.
What else could possibly go right? Well, Twitter is apparently a wonderful source for permaculture info-- as it should be, considering the distributed bottom-up nature of it. When I have a spare moment I poke around there and it's neat to see what's around. I've also found it to be a good outlet for my activist side. I guess the length and immediacy of it seems appropriate to comment on things that pass me by or that I notice in the gardening/food/ethics world where there's not time for an lj post or where a facebook status update feels... weird.
I've also custom-ordered a mask for the masquerade, and discovered and bought the proper skirt. My outfit will allow me to go barefoot if I like. Now I just need to bug andi_sunrider about the corset. This is fun. I adore costuming. Adore, adore, adore.
Did I mention that there's a permaculture community garden by my place? Of course I did. I mentioned the chestnut trees. There are also pecans or walnuts or something-- I'll need to actually stop and look for a proper ID on them. Did I mentioned I may have seen an apricot tree growing in a back alley today? How freakin' cool is that?
And now I'm looking forward to many things this upcoming while: sleeping a full night or three, sex, my natal mahoganies arriving, beating up a boy, reading more permaculture stuff while on the bus, spending a weekend cut off from media paganizing, peoplepeoplepeople of the very best sort, puzzling out more about my shiny thing, alcohol-ing the ass off the scale at that one account at work, deciding what to wear to the big hippie pagan festival, maybe being beaten up (face slapping ftw!), more time with my ratty babies, regular mealtimes, sleep, and did I mention sex and sleep? And people? And what about wearing my super comfy sweaters? And maybe even having time, or not having time, for more lj posts.
So much love. Be well. Thinking of you.
(Woah lj is acting weird and sorta-double-posting this)