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Tomorrow:

8am to 4 or 5 or 6pm: work
6pm to 9pmish: Gui visits
9pmish to crash out: Latin, env clim

Breaks allowed: Lunch w/ Graydon, 2 x 1/2 hour reading, 1/2 hour sewing, FOOD GODDAMMIT.

Saturday:

Wakeup to 10:30 or 11ish: Angustime.
11 to 4 or whenever: Latin, finish env clim if needed, Math practice midterm, fire control studying. NO MORE THAN 1 1/2 HOURS LATIN.

Breaks allowed: Laundry, Fish and Wildlife studying, yoga, NO SEWING, food, emailing work about holidays this summer, emailing about chicken and turkey.

4 (or whenever) to too-stupid-late: Burn Notice w/ Andrew. I will bring my fire control book to this and skim through it occasionally to "study"

Sunday:

Wakeup till noon: Angustime, leasurely breakfast, snuggle baby rats, COOK FOR AFTERNOON.
Noon - 1:15: Math if not finished (it better be!), Latin, fire control

Breaks allowed: none, it's only just over an hour, doorknob.

2 - 6:15: Permie documentaries and vegetarian food w/ classmates.
6:40 - 9ish(?): Dinner w/ Kynnin
9ish - ?: Michael snuggles.
? - crash out: OMFG UNSCHEDULED

Monday: Remember to bring fire control to work to study. Try to make time for Computers homework. Boot camp.
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if i love You
(thickness means
worlds inhabited by roamingly
stern bright faeries

if you love
me) distance is mind carefully
luminous with innumerable gnomes
Of complete dream

if we love each (shyly)
other, what clouds do or Silently
Flowers resembles beauty
less than our breathing

ee cummings

Okay, okay, enough with the ee cummings. I need a poetry buddy to call up and just read with, back and forth, you pick one, I pick one. I do so love reading poetry aloud. Words and voices make it; it was made for voices in so many cases. Language is quick and beautiful when it is words sliding straight into your brain from a page, but it is a sensuous experience in the mouth and the ear and we take that so much for granted. It's like food, like moving your body; we forget because we are given this most wonderful of experiences everyday that it is in fact so gorgeous.

Obviously I'm having an up day today. There are many reasons for this. A big one is the Vancouver freeschool at UBC Farm. You need to come to this if you live in Vancouver: http://summerfreeschool.wordpress.com/

Today at work was super awesome. I woke up early, got a couple hours of gardening done, got picked up and went to the greenhouse with my boss (who pays me for this! I guess after the long hours last week it's deserved) which happens to be the same greenhouse my boss two back used. It's absolutely the best for annual flowers anywhere. I spent some money I wasn't planning to (of course) but dude, at wholesale prices whatcha gonna do?

Then we did some planting in the rain, I got soaked through to the skin. The boss and I chatted about stuff-- he's part of a gay couple, and I think he just wanted to chat about kink some, honestly, and-- I can do that, you know? Lots of talking during work, lots of fun, and then a ride to the skytrain so I didn't have to wander around soaking wet too much.

Now home with plants and a super hot date with Angus tonight. Muahaha!

Last night was helping the Writer with painting his new place, it was a lot of fun. Last time I painted was when Bob and Ryan and Vikkie and I all moved into that one place together, so I know enough not to feel like an idiot but I don't do it enough for it to be boring. His new place has really nice energy to it, and trees outside the window, and it was nice to chill with him for a bit. Been missing that boy-- he's been crazy busy and/or burnt out a lot. I know a lot of my emotional rollercoasters (have you noticed? I have) come from not seeing him for 'too long'-- if you read back you'll notice that for the couple days right after seeing him I'm absolutely flying, and then eventually, depending on circumstance, there's a crash.

Ahwell. Things'll settle down eventually.

Yesterday at work was another long hard day. It's funny, we keep working through stuff to finish, pushing our edges, and then there's something more to do. There should be no more there now, though. If today was a soaked-to-the-skin day, yesterday was a sweating-buckets day. I did most of my normal day plus an extra four hours of pulling our dwarf alberta spruces (ewwwwww needles and rashes and poking) and putting in the tropical entrance to one of the hotels I do plants for. It looks spectacular. It'll look unbelievable in a month.

Monday I made yummy soup but the evening kind of sucked. Snuggles during the movie kept my head above water, that and a very understanding Angus.

Now I've gotta go dress up. More painting and/or moving/steam carpet cleaning tomorrow-- it's funny, I'm paying forward to the Writer all the stuff I got from Juggler when I was starting to do my own thing.

Friday PAUL IS IN TOWN and I am going to GO DRINKING WITH HIM AND HALF THE EARTH and IT WILL ROCK BECAUSE PAUL IS AWESOME and HE SHOULD CALL ME. But he won't cause I only get emotionally attached to people who are distant and aloof, at least sometimes-- Angus frontloaded that by breaking up with me back when, got his hooks in, and now he's a solid platform, but with everyone else it's ongoing, and I'm learning how to swing with that, I think. (note wecallthishumour tag. It's funny because it's true).

I need to get some upside-down tomato planters and get showered and fancied up or something.

I will do a tomato/gardening post shortly. Short form: I am planting three kinds of okra; a zillion kinds of tomatoes (trial testing I think 6 heirlooms (green zebra, nepal, Eva purple ball, cherokee purple, black prince, japanese black trifele) against some hybrids (sweet million, sungold, bush beefsteak, first lady, ultra sweet, ultra girl) in a sort of unfair setting; while I'm still gonna try two of each kind, one in each set of conditions (front/side of the house) I'm going to have a range of planter sizes and types and a range of companion plants); three kinds of sorrel (wood, blood, and garden), two kinds of summer squash (vegetable marrow and I think yellow pattypan of some kind), some different basils (anise, some italian lettuce leaf basil, maybe something else), nasturtiums, flat-leaf parsley, lacinato kale, a bunch of herbs (list later), a lot of mints (list later), some unreal beautiful coleus and fibrous begonias, a couple of rhodos, some purple jasmine stevesii or something like that, a couple kinda of violets, and I have yet to get cucumber and maybe dill seeds.

This is exciting.

I should do eggplant too but I'm chicken.

Enough! Will talk more about gardening later. Love y'all.
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You know when you're super pissed at someone you care about, you go for a walk, and your device spits out the three saddest breakup songs you own in a row? Ten seconds of not knowing whether to cry or throw device into traffic, then it's like waking up. Whew. That was a bracing ride.

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On paleontology:

"With so little to be certain about, scientists often have to make assumptions based on other objects found nearby, and these may be little more than valiant guesses. As Alan Walker and Pat Shipman have drily observed, if you correlate tool discovery with the species of creature most often found nearby, you would have to conclude that early hand tools were mostly made by antelopes."

-Bill Bryson
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There's nothing quite as centering and empowering as puttering around the house when you get off work early, making everything nicer and making it -yours-. If nothing else in life is a controlled environment, at least my home can be once in awhile.
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There goes August

I know I'm missing things-- like the rat bbq/august rat show, more Trevor, time with Paul, Eva, Guu with Avi, oh, hanging out with friends in general?

I'm recommitting to clear out clutter-stuff and spend more time doing meaningful, purposeful activities with people I enjoy.

Today: Baby rats, cage cleaning, housecleaning, Bob?
Tomorrow: Gardening, cleanup?, Angus?
Wednesday: Karaoke, drop off rent cheque
Thursday: Help Angus do move-out clean
Friday: Greenie-time, KMM
Saturday: , Piotr
Sunday: Piotr, Pride, Cooking, Rat cage cleaning, social?
Monday: Gardening, Greenie-time, cooking
Tuesday: Social evening? - Ellen?
Wednesday: Angus
Thursday: Greenie-time
Friday: Doug&Kat? Taicho drumming.
Saturday: Doug&Kat @ the beach, weather permitting, birthday party in the evening
Sunday: Rats. Ellen? Family Brunch?
Monday:
Tuesday: Angus?
Wednesday: Victoria?
Thursday: Victoria?
Friday: Unscheduled
Saturday: Drum workshop? Zombiewalk
Sunday: Drum workshop?
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10 pm get home from work water plants check rats eat raw ear of corn 12:30 am fall asleep 6:15 am wake up make breakfast make lunch pack lunch feed rats water rats check garden shower get dressed catch bus work work work work buy rat litter deposit cheque catch bus get home go across street get masquerade dress take dress to have it altered meet Lizzy take rat pictures make food shove food into mouth keep taking rat pictures 9:00 pm finish eating dinner look around house think about cleaning for landlord visit friday think about packing for visit tomorrow night think about watering plants think about making mask for masquerade make bubble tea chat with roommate make post on lj sit on porch with tea for at least half an hour I promise myself die of exhaustion. (should be: feed rats water rats water plants make mask clean kitchen)
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Hypothesis 1: I use this place as a mental garbage dump, so I carry my garbage around all day waiting to put it here, thus making myself pissy and weird.

Hypothesis 2: My roommate moving away and the associated change and worry of finding a new roommate or being on my own is stressing me out more than I thought, making me pissy and weird.

Hypothesis 3: Things that did not bother me in the last month or two or three are bothering me now because they're a problem and I can't do denial anymore, making me pissy and weird.

Hypothesis 4: I am spending too much time working and on the internet and not enough time socialising and cleaning my house, leaving me lonely and feeling out-of-control of my environment, making me pissy and weird.

Hypothesis 5: Through the juxtaposition of certain celestial objects, etc, I am made pissy and weird.

Hypothesis 6: I am a normally pissy and weird person who, for various reasons, took a break for a bit.

Hypothesis 7: I am normally a pissy and weird person who is suffereing a burst of self-awareness about said traits.

From this I conclude that I need to get out more.

Self-Care

Apr. 18th, 2008 06:58 pm
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Greenie's brain says: fuck this! I'm tired, I moved over twenty tons of rock in the last three days with my own arms, it's SNOWING at the end of APRIL, I'm having mood swings, and I'm starving to death. Having gone to the store in perfectly dry weather and come back with provisions, I will now not go out in the snow. Instead I will make BBQ tofu, miso stew, and fried bananas to bring myself back up to caloric balance; turn up the heat; and maybe read a book or something while snuggled in my bed-- that or make an exhaustive list of types of fruit trees I want.

Fuck going out.
Fuck obsessing over boys who act like jerks.
Fuck hunting down a good restaurant.
Fuck trying to figure out who's free and accessible and wants to cuddle, getting dressed, and finding dry shoes.

That lightning strike was awesome. It set the car alarms off on the whole block. And the grass is now obscured by white.

It's also been a dry winter which means I spent today-- watering gardens because they were wilting. Yes. Same city.

I give up.

Three

Sep. 10th, 2007 08:11 pm
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1) Craigslist posting: $700 / 1br - Suite for rent includes all utilities, cable, parking, pet! (Delta). I wonder what kind of pet the suite comes with? This is almost on par with the sign on the sumpster the other day: Do not leave around. Put garbage in tank.

2) I adore you-- can I possibly describe how reassuring it is when someone knows their own mind accurately enough to be precise about this sort of thing? So many people lump all positive emotions under love, and all negative reactions under anger or hate. Thank you.

3) Lightning is dead. I took her in this morning. She died on the way to the vet. She was *not* having fun anymore. She was only eighteen months. She is getting necropsied- her dad Uno died of cancer at about that age, as did her aunt Tiva (though Tiva was much older). She is survived by a ton of kids and a ton of grandkids, including Erin's litter, raised by Lizzy, whose eyes have recently opened. I'm concerned about those kids. I had thought Silver would go first, because Lightning always had so much spunk and energy. That was her undoing, I guess. She got a little thin this week, but I didn't prioritise the vet visit cause she was still lively, and then I was out last night and got a call from Bob this morning because he was worried. I should have made more effort to take her in sooner. I should have taken her to a so-so vet rather than wait longer for one I really liked.

4) I am sad and kind of up-in-the-air.
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I see a ripe strawberry out my window, but I need to put away my rats and get dressed to pick it.
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...because who can keep up with me?

Greenstorm's Life, On Now
Read more... )

See old cast lists here!
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Nothing in my life is particularly related to anything else on a daily level. I think this is why it's driving me crazy. As a step in my not-being-sick-anymore, I am using my daybook again. I remember that I need to write anything down that isn't 'go to work, go home from work, sleep' if I'm to remember it.

Bob and I have likely found a place for April 1st, possibly earlier than that depending on our landlord. The thing here is our landlord got drywallers to come in. They

took off the ceiling, and it was wet out there. They left for a couple days so it could dry out, and while we have our ceiling off, it's noticable that when the shower is engaged (rather than the bathtub tap),

water comes down from the ceiling, that is, from a 2x4 that normally holds the drywall, as well as from the showerhead a good 8" down. It also mysteriously forms a puddle a few feet away from the tub which is a bit mysterious. So for obvious reasons,

the drywallers aren't putting the ceiling back just yet. Instead we need to

call a plumber, but first we need to

get a hold of the landlord. Meanwhile

the house is a mess, I don't want to cook on the stove (which is under a bit hole where the ceiling was, and

the animals can't come home and

I feel discombobulated. So if you're doing stuff with me,

make me write it down in my daybook.

Also I love my ratty girls and ratty boys and I saw my girlies today and they still love me.

Also I am going to Kelowna for six months this summer.

Pertinent?

Feb. 1st, 2007 04:00 pm
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Just notes from http://www.tenants.bc.ca/factsheets/TSG-web.htm and related. Thank you, Sasha.

Read more... )

QoTD

Sep. 14th, 2006 09:50 pm
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Avi: ....and yet you're so wholesome. You're like the poster girl for alternative lifestyles.

Hah!

Jul. 30th, 2006 06:21 pm
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Rodent owners/rat lovers: how to launder your rat.

Love

Jul. 28th, 2006 10:36 am
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I've been thinking a lot lately, and a bunch of the thought is going into love. I'm thinking about how and why I love, what exactly I mean when I say it, and how I act around it. There is aclear distinction for me between loving someone or something, which is a feeling about that thing, and... being in-love-with? Well, between love and attachment, is perhaps a better way to put it. I love like crazy, but I'm afraid of becoming attached to things, because things change and pass away. When I love something and it passes away, I am sad. When I'm attached to something and it passes away, it tears and hurts me.

Many of my relationships have been designed to keep me from getting too attached since I lost Kynnin. That was a lot of tearing, identity-loss, life-plan-change, big internal stuff that was not simply sad but wounding. To minimise the chances of that happening again, I chose to be in relationships with people who were not emotionally available-- they had commitments to others, they were wrapped up in romantic ideals rather than my actual self, they were too self-absorbed and self-contained to reach out and connect or mesh in that way. Without that connection, meshing, entanglement, call it what you will-- without that, the endings become easier.

This explains a lot.

The thing is, I like the intertwinedness that comes from closely meshed, vulnerable relationships, but it also frightens me quite a bit. It seems to frighten me to the point of gibbering rage and dissociation, in fact. That means I get to fight my codependent tendancies AND my run-away-I'm-scared tendancies at the same time. Wonderful.

Oh, well. I haven't had a good challenge in a long time.

PS I have skinned knees from climbing, and the joy of that type of injury is intense. It reminds me of when I was 5 and learning to rollerskate.

Criteria

Jul. 13th, 2006 08:29 pm
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Boyfriend criteria list, although somewhat irrelevent right now:

- already has a best friend who is not me
- no ownership around my pussy, I choose who I have sex with
- safe sex sensibilities in line with my own
- no ownership around my brain, I choose who I like or dislike and in what ways, and what my opinions are
- cuddling and holding are actively sought out
- at least mildly kinky AND
- respectful AND
- careful and cautious with it (safe)
- more personality than wound-on-legs-ness
- spends significant amount of times on hobbies (at least 2 days/week)
- employed
- no current (untreated?) mental illness AND no mental illness (untreated?) for the majority of their past (two years out of twenty is not a majority, ten is)
- likes to do fun things that I like to do
- with me sometimes AND
- without me sometimes
- is available when I am
- including mornings on a regular basis
- has cellphone or other reliable contact method
- is attractive
- sense of humour (good sense of humour? or at least pleasantly painful)
- sense of irony
- smart
- has clean towels most of the time
- eats decently often
- good at sex AND
- has sex often with me

Profile

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