greenstorm (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
greenstorm) wrote2022-07-07 09:42 pm
greenstorm) wrote2022-07-07 09:42 pm
Entry tags:
Where's the love?
Tonight I told Tucker to stop implying he was gonna start having conversations about what our relationship was going to be, since he'd been doing that for five years and it hasn't been true. If you actually do it then fine, I told him, but lying to me and/or yourself is unkind.
Folks always think that it's not lying if they have the intention to do something, but I think at some point after enough repetition if someone continues to not do something then it sure isn't a truthful statement anymore. Either way I was done. The entire point of where I am emotionally in that relationship is that he's been making that same statement and then not following up, in some cases spectaculatly so, for so many years.
Now he's gonna have a problem, because he both doesn't want me to go away for awhile and heal, and he doesn't do well with statements that he didn't act in the best possible way. Obviously one of those is going to have to come out stronger than the other since I'm not in the mood to lie directly or by omission about how I felt about that. I'm also not about to tolerate that same behaviour in what we're doing now.
I'm actually curious if, after getting off the phone with me as quickly as he could, he will talk to me anymore at all other than just polite necessities.
Meanwhile I have this trip to go see him in a week. I know he hasn't thought it through - thinking things through was my job, and I'm on strike - and I'm thinking I should maybe have some backup phone numbers in my pocket, if nothing else. I don't think he's ever kept touch with an ex right after a breakup before? He certainly hasn't gamed out the likeihoods for how this will go down.
In the meantime again: work stress (trying to get partial stress leave means I probably don't have vacation time this year), money stress (feed keeps getting more expensive, the house keeps needing things because the deck is now sagging and I'm worried about whether it'll come down in the snow, this list could continue), and demand stress (I seem to have scheduled myself for a class on land stuff, a local class on plant medicine by a Nak'azdli elder, mom is here, I have this trip planned). Hopefully I can take tomorrow to just get lost in what I'm doing, which will probably be putting shelves in the storage container and bringing the sofa in to downstairs and maybe also gardening some.
Okay. That needed to be said. Now I can write my evening post.
Folks always think that it's not lying if they have the intention to do something, but I think at some point after enough repetition if someone continues to not do something then it sure isn't a truthful statement anymore. Either way I was done. The entire point of where I am emotionally in that relationship is that he's been making that same statement and then not following up, in some cases spectaculatly so, for so many years.
Now he's gonna have a problem, because he both doesn't want me to go away for awhile and heal, and he doesn't do well with statements that he didn't act in the best possible way. Obviously one of those is going to have to come out stronger than the other since I'm not in the mood to lie directly or by omission about how I felt about that. I'm also not about to tolerate that same behaviour in what we're doing now.
I'm actually curious if, after getting off the phone with me as quickly as he could, he will talk to me anymore at all other than just polite necessities.
Meanwhile I have this trip to go see him in a week. I know he hasn't thought it through - thinking things through was my job, and I'm on strike - and I'm thinking I should maybe have some backup phone numbers in my pocket, if nothing else. I don't think he's ever kept touch with an ex right after a breakup before? He certainly hasn't gamed out the likeihoods for how this will go down.
In the meantime again: work stress (trying to get partial stress leave means I probably don't have vacation time this year), money stress (feed keeps getting more expensive, the house keeps needing things because the deck is now sagging and I'm worried about whether it'll come down in the snow, this list could continue), and demand stress (I seem to have scheduled myself for a class on land stuff, a local class on plant medicine by a Nak'azdli elder, mom is here, I have this trip planned). Hopefully I can take tomorrow to just get lost in what I'm doing, which will probably be putting shelves in the storage container and bringing the sofa in to downstairs and maybe also gardening some.
Okay. That needed to be said. Now I can write my evening post.