(no subject)
Jan. 14th, 2025 08:18 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
greenstormDreamed that I lived in an enormous house with someone and, after some stranger wandered in, I was going around trying to lock the doors to the outside but there were so many in so many different rooms and corridors. The person I was living there with decided to bring another person to live in the house and I did a bunch of logistics work around where they would live so it would be most comfortable for everyone but was still finding doors to the outside as we went.
I think the person ended up in the downstairs luxury apartment-cum-whiskey lounge with leather furniture, a fireplace, and a livingroom the size of a large house. I do not remember having any space in the house that was mine, just running around trying to fix things for other folks.
Still, even with such a clear dream, my heart hurts.
I looked back at some old posts from this time in 2022, which is when Tucker bought his condo in Vancouver while participating in discussions with me about places we could live together. I remember then talking about what it would take for me to rebuild trust.
Three years later he does a thing he knows I'd want to talk about, nails it down, tells me late, and says he knew I'd want to know but he just couldn't tell me earlier -- but that he thought maybe he should deal with it in counseling, since it was now causing problems for him.
The lack of empathy in that is just so hard. But I guess that's been my issue, right? His goal has been to find his boundaries, and in doing so he's not been able to be cooperative about decision-making: first it was all people-pleasing, then it's all exclusion.
More writing about this will just make me bitter; really I just wanted to get down the dream while the memory of that huge house, almost a shopping mall, lingered.
I think the person ended up in the downstairs luxury apartment-cum-whiskey lounge with leather furniture, a fireplace, and a livingroom the size of a large house. I do not remember having any space in the house that was mine, just running around trying to fix things for other folks.
Still, even with such a clear dream, my heart hurts.
I looked back at some old posts from this time in 2022, which is when Tucker bought his condo in Vancouver while participating in discussions with me about places we could live together. I remember then talking about what it would take for me to rebuild trust.
Three years later he does a thing he knows I'd want to talk about, nails it down, tells me late, and says he knew I'd want to know but he just couldn't tell me earlier -- but that he thought maybe he should deal with it in counseling, since it was now causing problems for him.
The lack of empathy in that is just so hard. But I guess that's been my issue, right? His goal has been to find his boundaries, and in doing so he's not been able to be cooperative about decision-making: first it was all people-pleasing, then it's all exclusion.
More writing about this will just make me bitter; really I just wanted to get down the dream while the memory of that huge house, almost a shopping mall, lingered.
