Crying Morning

But that's a good thing. The rain is gentle, like a cradle or an embrace, and I'll be out in it today. I'm being held and comforted by something bigger and more impersonal than I. Tea from my thermos on a day like this is a very human warmth, and it brings me home into myself.

Last night was a hard night. Now I feel stronger and steadier. Then I read this, and I cried. I can't describe why (you are indescribeable he says, and I laugh).

Blossoms

From blossoms comes
this brown paper bag of peaches
we bought from the boy
at the bend in the road where we turned toward
signs painted Peaches.

From laden boughs, from hands,
from sweet fellowship in the bins,
comes nectar at the roadside, succulent
peaches we devour, dusty skin and all,
comes the familiar dust of summer, dust we eat.

O, to take what we love inside,
to carry within us an orchard, to eat
not only the skin, but the shade,
not only the sugar, but the days, to hold
the fruit in our hands, adore it, then bite into
the round jubilance of peach.

There are days we live
as if death were nowhere
in the background; from joy
to joy to joy, from wing to wing,
from blossom to blossom to
impossible blossom, to sweet impossible blossom.

Li-Young Lee

Such a welter. Such a confusion. That phrase occurs: the revolving door of my heart. I don't know anything, right now. I only live it.

Huh

My right eye is bleeding or something. If it doesn't stop by tomorrow, I am braving the doctor's office. Bah, here I was congratulating myself on having a normal body.

You know, just when I start taking myself too seriously, something like this happens, and also my friends sit around being pure awesome at me, and I hang in there. So while I can get it out quick, in one breath with that:

Juggler + Greenstorm
Rest In Peace
March 2003 - August 2007.

The Juggler: May 28, 2003:
No, I don't deserve three of them. I in no way, ever, in any sense come close to deserving anything I've got. I'm greedy for the world, though, for all it's complexity and all these amazing unbelievably beautiful people in it and somehow I'm getting a pretty big slice. If there's anything that makes me deserve it, it's the fact that I'm willing to do almost anything to extend my reach just a few more inches to capture something I see dangling there available but just outside my grasp.

But, The Juggler. This is the most recent of the three (something on the order of weeks depending on how you set the date, compared to six years and two years-ish respectively) and he's currently something of an obsession for me. He has this ability to listen to what I'm saying which is what led me to staying up till six in the morning for pretty much the last two weeks -- just talking, just my thirst to talk, or at least mostly. He juggles, he makes armour and tesla coils in his spare time, he codes, he's willing to talk to me about plants. If the Exotic has the body and face of an angel, he has the archetypical form of a Real Person,(details later. I'll start on the legs) and he has this hair... well, they all have this hair, to be honest. I expect he'll get a lot of wordspace on here in the next little bit because he's so new.