(no subject)

I fall asleep early
As the sun goes down
And wake after midnight on my forgotten laundry

Towel loops are etched into my cheek
And the moon shines bright enough
That I check to be sure my headlights were not also forgotten

Against the window my breath fogs, chills
Doesn't quite freeze

The counselor told me it's hard to accept
That nothing lasts
It never was before but
Now in the middle of the night
I move slowly to stoke the fire
Boil water for tea,
Stir in honey
Heat the oven
Put in bread--

Everything I do now is placing
One stone
On top
Of another. Rebuilding
Because nothing lasts
And because, like a child laughing at destruction,
Someone has swept an arm over my castle
Tumbling my stones.

Rebuilding.

One stone at a time,
One log on the fire at a time,
One cup of tea at a time,
One long look at the moonlight when everyone is asleep:
Rebuild the castle
Because nothing lasts
And because no one is entitled to a castle

Or even a pile of pretty rocks

Nothing lasts
And so in the moonlight
one stone on top--

so many nights
building
rebuilding
so many pretty rocks

no one is entitled but the rocks deserve--

one cup of tea
a fire
rocks to build with
and then sleep.

(no subject)

For long term disability they want me to tell them the reason for every sick day for a little over the last five years, since I was hired. NBD, not like I have memory problems as part of what's wrong with me, or like everyone couldn't remember that kind of thing anyhow.