One of the first big disconnects between my received wisdom and the actual world, though, is that fat=not sexually attractive. This maybe has some bearing on Graydon's comment below about how maybe guys approach these things differently than girls.
Unsurprisingly, I find that love informs my idea of someone as beautiful (I'm not talking about attractiveness/lust in this case, but just beauty, joy in looking at them). What I've learnt is that fat doesn't inform my idea of beautiful in either direction.
It is really interesting to try and construct an idea of what metrics we should base people's value on if we start holding them unequal. I realise I really don't even approach the question; I usually just say "everyone's gotta spend their XP somewhere" and assume theirs is somewhere can't personally appreciate it.
Interestingly, poly can also remove the competitive aspect from relationships, just because attraction to someone else doesn't necessarily mean an end. That ends up being somewhat ideology what with limited time at hand, of course.
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Unsurprisingly, I find that love informs my idea of someone as beautiful (I'm not talking about attractiveness/lust in this case, but just beauty, joy in looking at them). What I've learnt is that fat doesn't inform my idea of beautiful in either direction.
It is really interesting to try and construct an idea of what metrics we should base people's value on if we start holding them unequal. I realise I really don't even approach the question; I usually just say "everyone's gotta spend their XP somewhere" and assume theirs is somewhere can't personally appreciate it.
Interestingly, poly can also remove the competitive aspect from relationships, just because attraction to someone else doesn't necessarily mean an end. That ends up being somewhat ideology what with limited time at hand, of course.