When I learned the term "gaslighting" it was revelatory, until I remembered/realized that two people rarely have the same memory of an event to start with. I'm not exactly sure how normative society handles this; folks often don't have the same idea of a shared experience but it doesn't sem to be culturally understood that memory works like that either?

Though your narrative seems to have room for sort of nudging each other into mutual agreement on events?

I've had some experience with internet conversations like this, where we can go back to the written record and learn that, in fact, it was super different from what we remembered. I definitely wonder whether the sensory engagement of gardening/eating would anchor memories better.