greenstorm (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
greenstorm) wrote2007-10-07 08:23 am
greenstorm) wrote2007-10-07 08:23 am
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Mary Oliver's Wild Geese is an always poem:
Wild Geese
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting-
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
Mary Oliver
Now for an update. First the gross physical changes: my rats are at my breeding partner's place in New West. Bob, Ryan and I are living in one (big) room of a house, more-or-less, while the rest of the house gets 1) framed 2) electrified 3) plumbed 4) drywalled and 5) floored, which should be done by the end of next week. We're already up to 3, I think. The story is as follows: I'd been looking slowly for a place of my own, as I knew I had the backup of staying at Lizzy's if I didn't find something perfect. I didn't find something perfect and Tyler who was gonna room with Bob, Ryan, and Vikki bailed sorta last-minute, and Bob asked me to come in for a little bit to be a temporary roommate, which gets me a place to stay temporarily and also gets them some of the rent money.
Then they found the house, which wasn't finished, after I'd agreed. Yeah, it was a pretty last-minute deal. It is going to be a really beautiful house, with walnut laminate floors throughout the whole upstairs, it's in really solid shape, there's an oldschool bathroom all in pink (not just the countertop or toilet or sink or tub, but everything, including the original linoleum and walls), there's a veggie garden, we're kitty-corner between two parks (one of which contains morning tai chi and adult swings), it's super-huge with room for studio space not just for Bob, Ryan, and Vikki's music stuff but for my pottery wheel (by the fire) and my easel with a livingroom left over, right behind a chinese grocery store, etc. I love the house, so I'm going to see how long I can stay till roommating makes me totally crazy and I need to leave. I'm taking bets-- two months? Six?
Long enough to do a Thanksgiving/Housewarming in November.
In general I'm super-confused about stuff. There's change afoot, but it's more deliberate change and I seem to be avoiding my usual lightening-speed direction reversals. Work in West Van is fabulous but the commute is so long, so I'm thinking of dropping that. It'd make me totally sad to leave my boss there. There's also the parkour academy in West Van, so I could go full-time with that boss and move to the North Shore, that's a pretty intense option. I could go back to work downtown with the indoor plant company for awhile and possibly do supervising with them -- it means back in a uniform (ugh) but maybe going all-bike (yay). I could do that part-time and work outdoors in Van part-time too. I could move to a different plant thing entirely. I could go to school for a hort certificate.
Additionally, I have all this relationship stuff going on. Gotta figure out what I want there too. Bob's been pretty wonderful to me through the whole thing, and he's been able to deal with my need for space so that now I feel myself wanting to spend chunks of time with him again and missing him sometimes when he's not around. The joy of just being with him isn't sharp anymore, but it's strong enough to warm myself at, and I was very cold for awhile. It's a good way to feel. My bitchiness is subsiding a little. Exploring the new neighborhood with him is fun, and he's a good roommate and boyfriend as well as a good live-in boyfriend thingy (which is the relationship we have living in this house now). My hope is that I'll kick the irritability altogether at some point soon.
Angus is a sanctuary from all this and a joy. It's nice to be around someone who can't go for more than ten minutes without smiling. I don't know where the thing is headed- it's been two months, it's fabulous right now, he's a mono boy and I'm pretty sure he'll break my heart someday.
I've been breaking further and further away from the label poly in my own head, though obviously my relationships are pretty open. The institutionalised stuff just doesn't do it for me. I float in a cloud of people I love, some of whom are people I have sex with, some of whom are people I'm attracted to but don't pursue, some of whom are people I'm not attracted to or where the issue doesn't come up at all. Nowadays I'm finding fewer people worth the logistics of making time to pursue sex with and occasionally wondering if monogamy isn't more stable long-term (how quickly I come to take my freedoms for granted. How quickly I forget). I've fallen really, really hard for Angus and now I feel the classic divide with things healing with Bob: I want both of them very much. There's not quite enough time for the amount that I want them and to do my own stuff as well. I think, if there was just one I could have *enough* time with someone, for once, with spaces in between with no one. I guess I'm moving further in that direction but it's a slow move and it might just parallel this path for awhile and head out in a totally new direction soon.
Last night Mike and I read poetry aloud to each other. This morning Angus is elsewhere and I have his room to myself. It's so good to be in a room with no one else around, you can't even imagine. It's been a long time. There are also baby rats here.
Rains have started for fall. Working outdoors is requiring more and more clothing-craft to be comfortable. Does anyone have tips on dressing warmly for a day outdoors? Long underwear, scarves? Any secrets?
Wild Geese
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting-
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
Mary Oliver
Now for an update. First the gross physical changes: my rats are at my breeding partner's place in New West. Bob, Ryan and I are living in one (big) room of a house, more-or-less, while the rest of the house gets 1) framed 2) electrified 3) plumbed 4) drywalled and 5) floored, which should be done by the end of next week. We're already up to 3, I think. The story is as follows: I'd been looking slowly for a place of my own, as I knew I had the backup of staying at Lizzy's if I didn't find something perfect. I didn't find something perfect and Tyler who was gonna room with Bob, Ryan, and Vikki bailed sorta last-minute, and Bob asked me to come in for a little bit to be a temporary roommate, which gets me a place to stay temporarily and also gets them some of the rent money.
Then they found the house, which wasn't finished, after I'd agreed. Yeah, it was a pretty last-minute deal. It is going to be a really beautiful house, with walnut laminate floors throughout the whole upstairs, it's in really solid shape, there's an oldschool bathroom all in pink (not just the countertop or toilet or sink or tub, but everything, including the original linoleum and walls), there's a veggie garden, we're kitty-corner between two parks (one of which contains morning tai chi and adult swings), it's super-huge with room for studio space not just for Bob, Ryan, and Vikki's music stuff but for my pottery wheel (by the fire) and my easel with a livingroom left over, right behind a chinese grocery store, etc. I love the house, so I'm going to see how long I can stay till roommating makes me totally crazy and I need to leave. I'm taking bets-- two months? Six?
Long enough to do a Thanksgiving/Housewarming in November.
In general I'm super-confused about stuff. There's change afoot, but it's more deliberate change and I seem to be avoiding my usual lightening-speed direction reversals. Work in West Van is fabulous but the commute is so long, so I'm thinking of dropping that. It'd make me totally sad to leave my boss there. There's also the parkour academy in West Van, so I could go full-time with that boss and move to the North Shore, that's a pretty intense option. I could go back to work downtown with the indoor plant company for awhile and possibly do supervising with them -- it means back in a uniform (ugh) but maybe going all-bike (yay). I could do that part-time and work outdoors in Van part-time too. I could move to a different plant thing entirely. I could go to school for a hort certificate.
Additionally, I have all this relationship stuff going on. Gotta figure out what I want there too. Bob's been pretty wonderful to me through the whole thing, and he's been able to deal with my need for space so that now I feel myself wanting to spend chunks of time with him again and missing him sometimes when he's not around. The joy of just being with him isn't sharp anymore, but it's strong enough to warm myself at, and I was very cold for awhile. It's a good way to feel. My bitchiness is subsiding a little. Exploring the new neighborhood with him is fun, and he's a good roommate and boyfriend as well as a good live-in boyfriend thingy (which is the relationship we have living in this house now). My hope is that I'll kick the irritability altogether at some point soon.
Angus is a sanctuary from all this and a joy. It's nice to be around someone who can't go for more than ten minutes without smiling. I don't know where the thing is headed- it's been two months, it's fabulous right now, he's a mono boy and I'm pretty sure he'll break my heart someday.
I've been breaking further and further away from the label poly in my own head, though obviously my relationships are pretty open. The institutionalised stuff just doesn't do it for me. I float in a cloud of people I love, some of whom are people I have sex with, some of whom are people I'm attracted to but don't pursue, some of whom are people I'm not attracted to or where the issue doesn't come up at all. Nowadays I'm finding fewer people worth the logistics of making time to pursue sex with and occasionally wondering if monogamy isn't more stable long-term (how quickly I come to take my freedoms for granted. How quickly I forget). I've fallen really, really hard for Angus and now I feel the classic divide with things healing with Bob: I want both of them very much. There's not quite enough time for the amount that I want them and to do my own stuff as well. I think, if there was just one I could have *enough* time with someone, for once, with spaces in between with no one. I guess I'm moving further in that direction but it's a slow move and it might just parallel this path for awhile and head out in a totally new direction soon.
Last night Mike and I read poetry aloud to each other. This morning Angus is elsewhere and I have his room to myself. It's so good to be in a room with no one else around, you can't even imagine. It's been a long time. There are also baby rats here.
Rains have started for fall. Working outdoors is requiring more and more clothing-craft to be comfortable. Does anyone have tips on dressing warmly for a day outdoors? Long underwear, scarves? Any secrets?
no subject
http://images.google.com/images?hl=en&q=coat&btnG=Search+Images&gbv=2
no subject
Outdoor clothing: WARM DRY SOCKS. ZOMG. and keep your head/neck dry. otherwise, layer lots.