Huh

[greenstorm]

Just realized, perhaps it should have been obvious, that I am very very cautious about being happy around folks who are not either deeply trusted or strangers. Happiness is when I'm vulnerable, when anyone can step in with a cutting remark and actually cut me, and when there is actually something valuable to be taken away.

I avoid being happy around a lot of folks for this reason.

Comments

[donnaidh-sidhe.livejournal.com]

This is a thing that has frequently come up my life as well. I am used to "being taken down a peg" for daring to show happiness in my family of origin (especially when others were in bad moods, which was often). By the time I started having relationships with others, I learned that my showing happiness was a trigger for others to dump their shit on me.

It's only recently that I've begun to unpack that.