greenstorm | (no subject)

I'm tired and my heart hurts. I need to spend time with some poly folks; the last week has convinced me that I probably love in colours that the eyes of folks around here can't even perceive. I feel invisible and my moral sense is a little offended. I guess maybe this is the first time I've watched default-monogamous (rather than deliberate-monogamous) folks sort their stuff out. I hadn't realized just how far I stood from that space.

I've been told that I'm very intentional about my relationships and I guess I am. I find the gift of connection to incur a responsibility to do some groundwork, to figure out which compatibilities exist, and then to build some sustainability into that system. To my mind it's at best cruel or a waste not to be a little mindful about it, to work to avoid anything easily avoidable.

I don't know. I was going to go on, something something Judeo-Christian denial of pleasure is supposed to be the sign of true love something property something ownership something control over other people's bodies something something but I don't have it in me. Maybe I need to call Tillie or Angus or someone from way back so I can just cry a little and year them say "yeah" and not have to explain anything.

In the meantime it's hot and sunny and I'm doing my garden and that's not so bad, is it? Corn and squash and beans and tomatoes and soup peas and potatoes and some extremely experimental melons all going in within the next couple days. The tiller is great. I love playing in the dirt and I'll love watching these experiments grow.

Threaded | Flat

we haven't spoken before but I hope things are getting easier for you 💚 i'm new to poly, and doing my best to be intentional about it, communicating thoroughly with both my partners etc. it's unfamiliar territory still, but i already know what you mean about default-monogamous folks being extremely distant in the way they conceive their relationships. it's hard to bridge the gap

I probably love in colours that the eyes of folks around here can't even perceive.

an apt analogy, like a bird seeing well into the ultraviolet and responding to things a human cannot sense, or bees looking for pollen

today a friend said, "given how much Sunflower River is going through and processing right now, it's a good thing you're all poly" and it cracked me up - i kind of take that for granted; it has become the air i breathe in a way that i realize is extremely supportive of my full self. and we do process a lot and are presently processing a lot and if we weren't all poly before we started, we probably wouldn't have made it 15 years.