Certainty

[greenstorm]

I'd like to state, for the record, that any time I'm certain of an event or make a sure declarative about the future that thing will not come to pass. Homes, relationships, jobs, leaving, staying: in my life, if I come to completely expect something, it will not come to pass.

A&E have had a bid accepted on a property in the mid-north Vancouver Island. Everything happens for many reasons each with its own lens:

I. just. Said. That. I. Was. Staying. Here. My heart just believed it and I had less than a day of rest alone in this space after mom left and before they viewed the property.

Also it's spring and people are selling, so this was a reasonable time for this to happen after braking for the winter.

Also A&E have been waiting all winter and are more able to compromise on location, especially since Tucker (without telling anyone, but they got the message at least) removed his requirements from the search. It's pretty remote.

There are a lot of subjects to remove on the offer including sale of A&E's place (they have ten viewings this week), inspection, water test, and ability to get insurance.

I have not been there to walk it. After A&E's place has an accepted bid (if?) I'll fly down for a day or two to look it over, mark trees for clearing, mark fencelines, and then come back up here and live with Threshold for awhile longer. There's no way to go down before it's ready for the animals, after all.

Not having walked it I can't tell you about it. I can tell you about North Vancouver Island, though. It's intensely pacific northwest, west coast. It freezes in the winter intermittently, and not for many days at a time. It's heavy overcast to drizzly well over half the time; almost no one would recognise the rain as rain because not a lot of water tends to come down at once but it is always damp. It's a little dryer and sunnier in summer but less than you might think. Everything is green and smells like leaf mould and conifer and water. Summers are also cool; I'm not sure exactly how cool yet but I may not get much warmer than here. Thing is, it would be the same temperature as here but frost free for maybe twice as long. That introduces possibilities like yuzu and very hardy kumquats.

I don't really want to talk about it though? I'm here with Threshold, and I want to be here, and enjoy here. I don't want to spend my thoughts on places far away, though I do love the planning exercise. I want to be in the present moment because I love it here.

There's lots before this is completely sure: interpersonal, financial, legal. It may never happen, who knows? But it's looking likely at this moment. A&E will look over offers Thursday and until then I am so far outside my mind and my body I'm finding myself just standing places, staring, and it's hard to move.

There's a lot more to say about this. I wanted to put it down here though. Ahead of me may be this place without (yet) a name. I once again don't know what happens next.

Comments

[yarrowkat]

whoooo, that's a lot. North Vancouver sounds not unlike the parts of Seattle/Washington I've experienced, including that rain that hangs in the air that isn't fog exactly and isn't rain exactly but it's definitely very wet and limits visibility to the point that there are no horizons. i think almost everything grows in Seattle (this is my impression from wandering Queen Anne, where my cousin lives, looking at people's gardens). moss is powerful and can eat a house there. terra teased me so hard for taking photos of the moss growing in the sidewalk but i'd never seen anything like it (moss is rare! delicate!), and then later i learned that every desert person, visiting the PNW, does that, and i felt vindicated. of course the sun eats things here the way moss and rain eat things there.

and Threshold, everything you say about it here, sounds so beautiful and particular and right. when you said you renewed your loan on it i thought, good, you can feel secure and safe in this place, in relationship with this land, settled, putting in your own roots as well as those of the plants & animals.

and, but, community. if you want any resources about community living or to process anything about it, whether or not things do go that way, lmk.

[graydon2]

Goodness. That is a lot. I wish you, of course, all the luck. Times 10,000.

[yarrowkat]

just wanted to let you know that the delay in response is because I'm in the Retreat this weekend and it is eating all of my bandwidth. I'll be back in a couple days!