it comes up in Tantra circles. which are maybe my weird circle of
acquaintance, lol. honor your yes, honor your no. pause and listen to
yourself and find out what you want before you speak. (an aspiration, that,
but repeated practice in temple definitely gave me that tool when i
remember to use it).
it comes down to: another person can't trust your Yes if you don't honor
your own No. and thinking in those terms, i began to understand that No is
the kindest word. because a No doesn't offer any false promise, and it does
clearly say where you're at, it therfore is infinitely more kind than a Yes
when you didn't mean yes or wouldn't be able to come through on the yes. if
i listen to my body and it says, "that thing sounds interesting but what i
need is rest," then i say No instead of disappointing the other person when
i have to bail out later because I'm too exhausted. etc. when i honor my
own boundaries, i give you the gift of trusting a) that you can honor your
boundaries with me, and b) that i respect you enough to be real with you,
and c) that we can understand one another and be in a fuller, richer
relationship because we are not basing our interactions on falsehoods,
social or otherwise.
a lot of Tantra practice is actually about boundaries, and locating your
own yes and no and then practicing them. it was a life changing practice
for me.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2022-04-24 04:35 am (UTC)it comes up in Tantra circles. which are maybe my weird circle of acquaintance, lol. honor your yes, honor your no. pause and listen to yourself and find out what you want before you speak. (an aspiration, that, but repeated practice in temple definitely gave me that tool when i remember to use it).
it comes down to: another person can't trust your Yes if you don't honor your own No. and thinking in those terms, i began to understand that No is the kindest word. because a No doesn't offer any false promise, and it does clearly say where you're at, it therfore is infinitely more kind than a Yes when you didn't mean yes or wouldn't be able to come through on the yes. if i listen to my body and it says, "that thing sounds interesting but what i need is rest," then i say No instead of disappointing the other person when i have to bail out later because I'm too exhausted. etc. when i honor my own boundaries, i give you the gift of trusting a) that you can honor your boundaries with me, and b) that i respect you enough to be real with you, and c) that we can understand one another and be in a fuller, richer relationship because we are not basing our interactions on falsehoods, social or otherwise.
a lot of Tantra practice is actually about boundaries, and locating your own yes and no and then practicing them. it was a life changing practice for me.