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Posted by Dan Savage

Struggle Session is a bonus column where I respond to comments — just a few — from readers and listeners. I also share a letter that won’t be included in the column and invite my readers to give the advice. We’re getting ready to do Savage Love Live at noon today — curtain up, light … Read More »

The post Struggle Session: Savage Love Live Today at Noon! appeared first on Dan Savage.

Gleaming piles.

Feb. 11th, 2026 08:35 pm
hannah: (Reference - fooish_icons)
[personal profile] hannah
In looking through the stuff on my floor today, in trying to figure out what I don't particularly want anymore, I made one of the bigger decisions in that vein in a while: I tossed out old novel drafts.

I don't need them anymore, and while I want them, I don't want them enough to keep them around. I've got the full drafts on my hard drive. I figured I didn't need the notes I took anymore, so the pages they're on might as well get set aside for recycling. It's a decision I've wanted to make I haven't bothered to make until today. Speaking of, there's four bags of books set aside for another Strand run - mostly from high-end salvaging through the neighborhood, a couple I bought ages ago that I have to say goodbye to. If I'd wanted to give them to someone, I'd have done so by now; keeping them is more a reminder of the idea of giving them to someone, the idea of that someone, than any specific plans I haven't acted on yet. It's something I need to accept over and over again, and each time it's the same stages and steps of the process of doing so. Investing in another external hard drive so I can divest myself of DVD box sets is aspirational in comparison.

I've got a box set aside for papers. If it fits in there, I can keep them. That's the goal. The best way to achieve that goal is to find the papers I've got that could conceivably be put in there. First, though, the Strand run tomorrow, and a library run for some of the DVD box sets to find their way to another good home.
denise: Image: Me, facing away from camera, on top of the Castel Sant'Angelo in Rome (Default)
[staff profile] denise posting in [site community profile] dw_news
Back in August of 2025, we announced a temporary block on account creation for users under the age of 18 from the state of Tennessee, due to the court in Netchoice's challenge to the law (which we're a part of!) refusing to prevent the law from being enforced while the lawsuit plays out. Today, I am sad to announce that we've had to add South Carolina to that list. When creating an account, you will now be asked if you're a resident of Tennessee or South Carolina. If you are, and your birthdate shows you're under 18, you won't be able to create an account.

We're very sorry to have to do this, and especially on such short notice. The reason for it: on Friday, South Carolina governor Henry McMaster signed the South Carolina Age-Appropriate Design Code Act into law, with an effective date of immediately. The law is so incredibly poorly written it took us several days to even figure out what the hell South Carolina wants us to do and whether or not we're covered by it. We're still not entirely 100% sure about the former, but in regards to the latter, we're pretty sure the fact we use Google Analytics on some site pages (for OS/platform/browser capability analysis) means we will be covered by the law. Thankfully, the law does not mandate a specific form of age verification, unlike many of the other state laws we're fighting, so we're likewise pretty sure that just stopping people under 18 from creating an account will be enough to comply without performing intrusive and privacy-invasive third-party age verification. We think. Maybe. (It's a really, really badly written law. I don't know whether they intended to write it in a way that means officers of the company can potentially be sentenced to jail time for violating it, but that's certainly one possible way to read it.)

Netchoice filed their lawsuit against SC over the law as I was working on making this change and writing this news post -- so recently it's not even showing up in RECAP yet for me to link y'all to! -- but here's the complaint as filed in the lawsuit, Netchoice v Wilson. Please note that I didn't even have to write the declaration yet (although I will be): we are cited in the complaint itself with a link to our August news post as evidence of why these laws burden small websites and create legal uncertainty that causes a chilling effect on speech. \o/

In fact, that's the victory: in December, the judge ruled in favor of Netchoice in Netchoice v Murrill, the lawsuit over Louisiana's age-verification law Act 456, finding (once again) that requiring age verification to access social media is unconstitutional. Judge deGravelles' ruling was not simply a preliminary injunction: this was a final, dispositive ruling stating clearly and unambiguously "Louisiana Revised Statutes §§51:1751–1754 violate the First Amendment of the U.S. Constitution, as incorporated by the Fourteenth Amendment of the U.S. Constitution", as well as awarding Netchoice their costs and attorney's fees for bringing the lawsuit. We didn't provide a declaration in that one, because Act 456, may it rot in hell, had a total registered user threshold we don't meet. That didn't stop Netchoice's lawyers from pointing out that we were forced to block service to Mississippi and restrict registration in Tennessee (pointing, again, to that news post), and Judge deGravelles found our example so compelling that we are cited twice in his ruling, thus marking the first time we've helped to get one of these laws enjoined or overturned just by existing. I think that's a new career high point for me.

I need to find an afternoon to sit down and write an update for [site community profile] dw_advocacy highlighting everything that's going on (and what stage the lawsuits are in), because folks who know there's Some Shenanigans afoot in their state keep asking us whether we're going to have to put any restrictions on their states. I'll repeat my promise to you all: we will fight every state attempt to impose mandatory age verification and deanonymization on our users as hard as we possibly can, and we will keep actions like this to the clear cases where there's no doubt that we have to take action in order to prevent liability.

In cases like SC, where the law takes immediate effect, or like TN and MS, where the district court declines to issue a temporary injunction or the district court issues a temporary injunction and the appellate court overturns it, we may need to take some steps to limit our potential liability: when that happens, we'll tell you what we're doing as fast as we possibly can. (Sometimes it takes a little while for us to figure out the exact implications of a newly passed law or run the risk assessment on a law that the courts declined to enjoin. Netchoice's lawyers are excellent, but they're Netchoice's lawyers, not ours: we have to figure out our obligations ourselves. I am so very thankful that even though we are poor in money, we are very rich in friends, and we have a wide range of people we can go to for help.)

In cases where Netchoice filed the lawsuit before the law's effective date, there's a pending motion for a preliminary injunction, the court hasn't ruled on the motion yet, and we're specifically named in the motion for preliminary injunction as a Netchoice member the law would apply to, we generally evaluate that the risk is low enough we can wait and see what the judge decides. (Right now, for instance, that's Netchoice v Jones, formerly Netchoice v Miyares, mentioned in our December news post: the judge has not yet ruled on the motion for preliminary injunction.) If the judge grants the injunction, we won't need to do anything, because the state will be prevented from enforcing the law. If the judge doesn't grant the injunction, we'll figure out what we need to do then, and we'll let you know as soon as we know.

I know it's frustrating for people to not know what's going to happen! Believe me, it's just as frustrating for us: you would not believe how much of my time is taken up by tracking all of this. I keep trying to find time to update [site community profile] dw_advocacy so people know the status of all the various lawsuits (and what actions we've taken in response), but every time I think I might have a second, something else happens like this SC law and I have to scramble to figure out what we need to do. We will continue to update [site community profile] dw_news whenever we do have to take an action that restricts any of our users, though, as soon as something happens that may make us have to take an action, and we will give you as much warning as we possibly can. It is absolutely ridiculous that we still have to have this fight, but we're going to keep fighting it for as long as we have to and as hard as we need to.

I look forward to the day we can lift the restrictions on Mississippi, Tennessee, and now South Carolina, and I apologize again to our users (and to the people who temporarily aren't able to become our users) from those states.

Wait. Who Gave Who Gonorrhea?

Feb. 10th, 2026 12:00 pm
[syndicated profile] savagelove_feed

Posted by Nancy Hartunian

You poor, poor people. For Valentine’s Day this year, we’re going dark and airing some of your most unpleasant break-up stories. Like the woman who learned her husband was cheating on her when she saw the tattoo he got of the other woman’s initials on his leg. That sort of thing. You’ll hear a few … Read More »

The post Wait. Who Gave Who Gonorrhea? appeared first on Dan Savage.

The Unraveling

Feb. 10th, 2026 12:00 pm
[syndicated profile] savagelove_feed

Posted by Patrick Kearney

I had a great time at Mr. Mid-Atlantic Leather last month in Washington D.C. For those who don’t know, MAL is an annual fetish event for gay men. There is a lot of socializing in the lobby of the host hotel and a lot of kinky play in the rooms. One of the highlights for … Read More »

The post The Unraveling appeared first on Dan Savage.

Still hear you saying.

Feb. 9th, 2026 08:56 pm
hannah: (Laundry jam - fooish_icons)
[personal profile] hannah
The day's relative warmth had me going out for an appointment rather than do it virtually. It helped considerably, which I knew it would, and it was a fairly productive appointment also.

On the way back, I took a longer route through Riverside Park. I didn't get to see my brother and his wife coming in from Brooklyn, but I saw the Hudson covered shore to shore with ice - not solid ice up and down the horizon, but to the other side of the river and back, which is more than I've seen in a long time. I don't think it'll stay much longer, and for all that I didn't like being so cold, I loved knowing there was that much ice on the river.

and i guess that i just don't know

Feb. 9th, 2026 04:42 pm
jazzfish: Jazz Fish: beret, sunglasses, saxophone (Default)
[personal profile] jazzfish
Spoke with Rhonda the realtor and she's cautiously optimistic about the condo market. Plan is to put this place up for sale sometime in March. Which is closer than I think.

Started putting books in boxes. Need to get a decent amount of stuff out of the condo and into storage as I can before opening it up to potential buyers. Packing books is physically easy, I've done this enough times that I have it down to a science. The hard part is having them Not Around for awhile. Boardgames, too, and DVDs and who knows what else, I'll sort that out as I go. Gonna be an empty-feeling apartment for a couple of months.

There's also the obligatory `Cull. E.g. I've been carrying around Where Late The Sweet Birds Sang for, oh, since before I moved to Canada. At this point I am probably not ever going to actually read it. That sort of thing. I can leave culled books out and see if I end up reading any of them just because they're there, and if so whether they're worth keeping. Small favours.

As for actually moving... as Lou Reed sang ("sang"), I don't know where I'm going. Staying in the lower mainland is safe and fiscally responsible, and it's killing me by inches. Minneapolis is expensive and dangerous (health-care-wise) and far away. Elsewhere in BC is a complete unknown. No good options.



I -have- been keeping up on viola practice, at least. Turns out to be a good thing. Last week I went out with Kevin to a fiddle session at an Irish pub out in Kitsilano. It was pretty great. It's nice to be musicking with people, to get that enjoyable camaraderie and sense of all doing something together.

Viola means that I can't really play most fiddle tunes (viola's a fifth down from violin, so any high notes are unplayable at speed, at least for me), so I end up doing drones or simple harmonies. I'm always a bit nervous about that kind of thing. I've basically no formal training; I'm just doing things that seem like they'll fit in. People did seem to like it, and said nice things about it afterwards, so that was nice as well.

xpost from elseweb

Feb. 9th, 2026 07:49 am
jazzfish: A red dragon entwined over a white. (Draco Concordans)
[personal profile] jazzfish
Westrene mountains cold a' winters:
Seil the wind, embrace the snow,
Cleaven to the trail beneathan,
Minden an the fire glow.
The thing about Aspects -- one of a great many things about Aspects -- is that Mike devised two distinct fictitious (as far as I know) dialects, presented them in text without falling into the usual traps of being incomprehensible or cloying, and -wrote poetry- in at least one.

Soon I shall be sad and angry all over again that all we have is seven chapters, two fragments, and a handful of sonnets. (And Zarf's delightful essay on 'the conlang of Pierre Menard.') For now I can be grateful that there's this much.

It helps to see complicated, damaged people who understand and care deeply for each other.
Forest is forest, and sand is sand,
But hearts shall be always debatable land.

Sic Transit Dylan/Tara

Feb. 8th, 2026 09:53 pm
cz_unit: (Cat fish)
[personal profile] cz_unit
Well, D&T moved out this weekend. It was an interesting little show; they rented a truck and it turned out to be a monster so we got one that we could actually DRIVE and get down the driveway. They moved about 10 minutes away in the city, nice place no doubt with a lot of little shops and places around for all sorts of things and a Harris Teeter like 2 minute walk away.

It's a perfect little yuppie starter place. So we helped move them in and I gave them a stuffed Nut from Ikea from mom and I. As a token that this was the totem of "Nut House" and they now have sovereignity and ownership of the place. It was their home, and I let them know that our home would also always be their home.

But their home is not our home. They have moved on.

Granted D called me an hour later saying the window was stuck in a cracked open state. I told him to call the building maintenance, they'd fix it. Because it's their house now, and I'll help but they need to start being more self sufficient.

I have mixed feelings. Yes it's sad to see them go. But they're adults now and for the past 6 years I have been living with and taking care of 4 other adults in the house. They need to learn to cook, clean, wash, deal, all that sort of stuff that I got dumped on me. And to be honest I now have the top level to myself. It's quiet, I can clean it up and it will stay clean.

I like this.

So on to the next chapter. Yes we still have one, but they're 19 and not quite adult shaped yet. When you're 26 and know it all and still living in your parent's house messing it up.... well you need to get out in life. The little one still has time.

But I do have quiet now. And space. This is good, I need to think about what to put in my garden to replace all of this.... Hm.

Four walls around me.

Feb. 7th, 2026 08:42 pm
hannah: (Sam and Dean - soaked)
[personal profile] hannah
I did end up going to the movies as the main activity of the day. The only activity, when you get down to it, especially since I stayed in bed late enough into the morning I missed the breakfast window. I found it fairly remarkable how few people were out on the streets - not surprising, but remarkable. It made me want to walk around a bit more to appreciate the relative absence of people. Not enough to go through with it, but the desire was there.

It's cold enough in my apartment for socks and a bathrobe, and I've now broken out the fingerless gloves. If I had the space in my freezer for the loaves, I'd make bread as a reason to turn on the oven, and as I don't, I'm having to make do with hot tea.

Weather anticipation.

Feb. 6th, 2026 10:42 pm
hannah: (Winter - obsessiveicons)
[personal profile] hannah
I'm geared up for another cold snap, with this Sunday looking like the nadir of the coming week. Tomorrow's going to be cold, and it won't be quite as harsh as Sunday seems like it'll be. It doesn't change many of my plans, since I didn't plan on much to begin with, but it's kind of nice to have the framework to assess potential plans. Like imagining which movies I'd go to, if I were to go to the movies.

Most likely, the movies will come after the job's wrapped up. Catching a matinee as a way to say the gig's done.

After Action Report #15

Feb. 6th, 2026 12:00 pm
[syndicated profile] savagelove_feed

Posted by Nancy Hartunian

Some might consider Daniel a very lucky man. He brought one of his 4 girlfriends to a sex party where the men wore tuxedos and the women wore…nothing at all. Oh, and it was a Christmas party. Hear all about it. If you did something totally bonkers and want to tell the wide world about … Read More »

The post After Action Report #15 appeared first on Dan Savage.

Space consciousness.

Feb. 5th, 2026 10:10 pm
hannah: (Zach and Claire - pickle_icons)
[personal profile] hannah
In trying to get rid of objects in my apartment, some are easy, like lighting candles. Some, like hard plastic water carafes, present more of an issue and require outside help. As such, I'm looking for help right now.

I have three plastic tumblers from past ConFabCons, including one from when it was Wincon. They're all in decent condition, and while the straw to one broke, it's easily replaced. I don't use them and I'd want them to go to a good home if they could. If anyone in the greater NYC metro area wants them, they're yours. If anyone in the greater NYC metro area knows someone who wants them, please put me in touch.
[syndicated profile] savagelove_feed

Posted by Dan Savage

Struggle Session is a bonus column where I respond to comments — just a few — from readers and listeners. I also share a letter that won’t be included in the column and invite my readers to give the advice. Q7 in this month’s Quickies column was from a bisexual woman who wanted me to … Read More »

The post Struggle Session: Don’t Hide the Balls appeared first on Dan Savage.

Sex & Politics #42

Feb. 5th, 2026 12:00 pm
[syndicated profile] savagelove_feed

Posted by Nancy Hartunian

Dan interviews, argues and politely spars with gay evangelical Christian Matthew Vines, author of “God and the Gay Christian.” Vines, who is married to his husband since 2022, was a potent advocate for gay marriage. Now he and Dan have a debate about the role of monogamy in gay life and society in general. They … Read More »

The post Sex & Politics #42 appeared first on Dan Savage.

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