(no subject)
Apr. 29th, 2024 12:26 amTwo days of pottery classes learning teapots and after both days I come home and crash hard. I sleep and sleep and sleep and it's a challenge to get myself up the stairs or sometimes hold my phone, let alone lift anything heavier.
This is supposed to estrange me from my body. I'm supposed to be angry, frustrated with it, to stop believing it's an ally.
In dog training they say that behaviour is communication. My body is an ally. Together we experience joy and pleasure, this weekend and pretty much all days, in greater or lesser quantity. It supports me in taking care of it. When I consider there to be a need it bends its boundaries and allows them to be repaid later.
My society is not an ally. It proscribes the joy I'm supposed to be able to feel, reduces pleasure to a scarce commodity traded for a bucket list of abled activities. Like my body, my society has communicated with me through behaviour: when I have a need it will deny it and leave me without.
I've always been estranged from society. I have no interest in being estranged from my body. Human right or immense privilege, if food or shelter is withheld from me because of my body's capabilities that's not my body's fault. It's my society's. Likewise if joy is supposed to be accessed only through certain body abilities that's an external imposition. I've always had more things I'd like to do than I could reasonably do, both through number and ability. While this doesn't mean I have no loss or grief around some of them that is nothing new n my experience of life.
And so I stagger home to bed, fall asleep, wake up, type with my fingers burning, call the cat over to snuggle, and head back to sleep.
This is supposed to estrange me from my body. I'm supposed to be angry, frustrated with it, to stop believing it's an ally.
In dog training they say that behaviour is communication. My body is an ally. Together we experience joy and pleasure, this weekend and pretty much all days, in greater or lesser quantity. It supports me in taking care of it. When I consider there to be a need it bends its boundaries and allows them to be repaid later.
My society is not an ally. It proscribes the joy I'm supposed to be able to feel, reduces pleasure to a scarce commodity traded for a bucket list of abled activities. Like my body, my society has communicated with me through behaviour: when I have a need it will deny it and leave me without.
I've always been estranged from society. I have no interest in being estranged from my body. Human right or immense privilege, if food or shelter is withheld from me because of my body's capabilities that's not my body's fault. It's my society's. Likewise if joy is supposed to be accessed only through certain body abilities that's an external imposition. I've always had more things I'd like to do than I could reasonably do, both through number and ability. While this doesn't mean I have no loss or grief around some of them that is nothing new n my experience of life.
And so I stagger home to bed, fall asleep, wake up, type with my fingers burning, call the cat over to snuggle, and head back to sleep.