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greenstormMy grass is growing so well this year. In the far back it's up to my chin, if not higher in some places. This is much better than last year. A good year for grass, a good year for biomass on my fields, a good playplace for the pigs.
Avallu was joyful in the tall grass: he jumped through it like a fish popping up out of a lake over and over, then lay down and rolled, then got up and did it again. When I went into the garden later he positioned himself so he could watch both me and mom.
Mom apologized. That meant she must have noticed how upset I was. When I came back down from writing she came up and said she was sorry, sincerely. I feel better about that, and more certain in my choice of coming up here to write instead of crying or yelling or who knows what down there if I tried to push through. I'm glad she saw me well enough to know it was needed.
I have a word for my mind-storms now. Meltdowns. It's neither the most elegant nor the most semantically accurate, but knowing that it's a thing really helps me to think about, understand, and handle when my mind goes to that place. This is a normal autistic thing and there are ways to handle it. It's still true that sometimes the only way out is through, but it's also true that I feel less guilty about them and more able to avoid the worst of them when I have any control over my environment. I also have more of a sense of perspective. Self-knowledge is always important for me and this is a big chunk of self-knowledge.
Tomorrow I both get a medical thing done finally...
...and I get to see Tucker, which will be most welcome, whatever else happens.
I had a day in the field today, I climbed a rock outcropping in the wind over fallen logs and looked down over a lake in a cauldron of spruce and dead pine.
And finally, gaspe is tasselling. It's about the same height it was the last two years when it tasselled, so that's interesting. It seems to be pretty uniform in starting to send up the tassels. I'm so glad. But also it'll probably be done way before the other corns. I'm glad I planted that second bed to try and pollinate for my crosses. Maybe I should plant another round in pots, just in case? But anyhow, gaspe is my corn and it might produce seed another year. This is always a miracle.
Avallu was joyful in the tall grass: he jumped through it like a fish popping up out of a lake over and over, then lay down and rolled, then got up and did it again. When I went into the garden later he positioned himself so he could watch both me and mom.
Mom apologized. That meant she must have noticed how upset I was. When I came back down from writing she came up and said she was sorry, sincerely. I feel better about that, and more certain in my choice of coming up here to write instead of crying or yelling or who knows what down there if I tried to push through. I'm glad she saw me well enough to know it was needed.
I have a word for my mind-storms now. Meltdowns. It's neither the most elegant nor the most semantically accurate, but knowing that it's a thing really helps me to think about, understand, and handle when my mind goes to that place. This is a normal autistic thing and there are ways to handle it. It's still true that sometimes the only way out is through, but it's also true that I feel less guilty about them and more able to avoid the worst of them when I have any control over my environment. I also have more of a sense of perspective. Self-knowledge is always important for me and this is a big chunk of self-knowledge.
Tomorrow I both get a medical thing done finally...
...and I get to see Tucker, which will be most welcome, whatever else happens.
I had a day in the field today, I climbed a rock outcropping in the wind over fallen logs and looked down over a lake in a cauldron of spruce and dead pine.
And finally, gaspe is tasselling. It's about the same height it was the last two years when it tasselled, so that's interesting. It seems to be pretty uniform in starting to send up the tassels. I'm so glad. But also it'll probably be done way before the other corns. I'm glad I planted that second bed to try and pollinate for my crosses. Maybe I should plant another round in pots, just in case? But anyhow, gaspe is my corn and it might produce seed another year. This is always a miracle.
