Bouncing Back
Mar. 13th, 2005 07:43 pmI really needed that vacation. I feel whole again, immediate and self-full, a presence and not a ghost that only watches. When I walk I can feel my hips swing, and looking people in the eye takes nothing from me. I finished the first crossword of my life today with the Juggler in the car waiting for the ferry back (a ferry was broken, so the wait was four hours until we got on). I paid for my share of a hotel room for the first time. I have juggling balls. I remember things: fall into life like a heavy stone, don't skip over the surface. Breathe it in until your chest bursts. Arthur lies waiting for the kiwi vines. There is no rebirth without death, no death without birth. Whatever Arthur is or was, his image cast in rushing waters is now part of me. We are comglomerates of those we love, things and people, all magnetically sealed together around the core of self. I remember something about love, the way it's connected to smells and the little motions of life that bring joy to the lover. I remember how important the sound of voices is, and the twitch of whiskers. The other night, Caramel and Merlyn curled up by my feet in bed for an hour or two. Some day I will die; as with all sentient things, that will be the completion of a thing. Prarie grasses have roots that go down eighty feet; plant me under a prarie and I'll be invaded, cranny and nook, by life's hungry seekings. Roots wear minerals away from the soil with mild acids. If I was to plant anything over you, what would it be? For myself, I hope some day I'll be worthy of a cherry tree. Vancouver Island is dry, with thin soil and Garry Oaks clawing at the sky, twisted around, and even the douglas firs (named after Douglas, and after Archbald Menzies, pseudotsuga menziesii) were thin and pointy. The sea would eat you there before the plants would, and the weather would destroy you first. This is why the rainforest is so peaceful: rot, which is only life after all, devours the dying before the rest of the world can get at it.
This train of thought has been brought to you by the first annual Victoria Juggling Festival, BC Ferries, many rats, Greenstorm, and a pair of Chrises.
This train of thought has been brought to you by the first annual Victoria Juggling Festival, BC Ferries, many rats, Greenstorm, and a pair of Chrises.