Aim For A Star

I'm trying to write in here, or else have a good conversation with someone talking-oriented, every day for awhile. I'm losing my grounding and I think that will help-- I need to get back into thinking mode rather than just-doing mode for a little while. Which one works best for me seems to switch up as time goes by.

Today I was listening to the Leonard Cohen cover album while weeding in the rain. Everything is so amazingly bright and colourful out there right now. It was an intensely beautiful day whenever solitude allowed it to be. And sometimes you'd look down and see something like this:
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All the maples look like they're glowing. It's been a dry long fall, so very good for colour.

Also, Lava's babies are home and safe so far-- moving the babies is risky because she can go crazy on them if she's stressed, but their eyes opened today so it's as safe as we can get timewise. They are lovely lovely babies and super-cute little snack treats rolled into one. They are going to be brats. I understand that colourpoint babies are supposed to have personality. These are burmese, and they will have personality. I just need to get in a ton of handling-- practice for bitey mom and her babies who will come to me in three weeks.

Here is Angus eating the baby rats (did I mention that my emotional seat is in my throat?)
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There are a couple more litters in the works. So many didn't work this summer, I need babies!

Regarding Angus, things have settled into what I can only describe as domestic bliss lately. I love that boy so much, and twitches both from my own internal insecurities and from his occasional missteps have settled down after so much consistently loving, considerate time. We're navigating through a mildly open relationship (I can't recall the number of times people have assumed that open means one particular set of rules or guidelines while poly or swinging means something quite different, and yet the meanings get switched from word to word for each person) and it's going well. I'm woefully busy lately, but he's working days again and that means we spend what evening time we have together.

It's getting to that settled stage where I can rely on him not just in an intellectual factual kind of way but rely emotionally on him being there. Now granted I'm in the middle of cry-at-the-drop-of-a-hat ovulation, but that means a lot to me from anyone, and especially a lover, and especially a life partner. Fuck people who say they'll stay with you only as long as it's convenient anyhow; surely I'm worth a little bit of blind bullheaded stubbornness but without that creepy I-need-to-take-over-your-life-cause-I-don't-know-what-I-want-ness?

I'm too tired to keep writing about this, but I must soon. Maybe this is just Leonard Cohen and the rain talking, but I have this kind of nostalgic glow in my head right now, and Angus manages to be back there in the nostalgia (do you remember the time we broke up or the time I had an emo eye and made that post about him smelling like geraniums or I sat and listened to him breathing or...) and also here in the present. Dammit, I both need and want stable, loving, sane people in my life. Maybe I better be sure I'm leaving room for them, mm, Greenie?

Oh, and I have a job interview tomorrow, speaking of room in my life. Maybe let's shave off some commuting time, shall we? Wish me luck.

So tiredly incoherent, but writing feels so good. Stopping.

Be well and goodnight.