Diving In...
Jul. 31st, 2010 10:18 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
greenstormI've been neglecting this in favour of my written journal this week, especially last night when I sat down and wrote for an hour in my brand new paper book because, well, it was new. I went to dinner after that and my friend asked me, "what do you write about?" I gave him the list: the way the book smelled, the way I ended the last journal (with a half-finished paragraph and a pen that ran out of ink, which seemed inappropriate), the difficulty of starting this new journal vs the last one, the biomechanics of writing, how to carry a pen with the new book when it has no spiral binding to slip it into, then I begin to write about the topics I should cover... By this time he's laughing at how meta the list is.
And here I'm writing about talking about writing about writing.
I woke up this morning at 7:30, having decided last night I just wasn't going to freeschool this weekend. After a morning twitter scan I went back to sleep and had an apocalyptic action-romance dream starring an author I've never met or read, but know only through his tweets. The dream was a perfect two hours, had a lot of flooding and engaging camera work and emotional punch, and ended on a happy note.
I immediately got up and came here into the livingroom to write to you, livejournal, because I miss you. I definitely type more quickly than I handwrite, which perhaps might be remedied by several years of practice but which is a legacy of MUSHing with four character windows open or whatever for so long. I can generally type faster than I can think; I can handwrite about as fast as I can think.
My life is pretty good right now. I have this huge expanse of time, through August, unfurled in front of me like an empty banner and I have a paintbrush in my hand. I have work, but I don't have plans, and August is my favourite month. I mean, sure-- there's a Leo party one day, a West Wing marathon with the Writer one weekend, and a wedding-- but that I think is everything I have written down for the month. The usual suspects will fill some of the time; there's monthly Korean movie night, weekly movie night at Andrew's place which I often attend, if the Writer is doing Ramadan I think I have some business with him right about the beginning of that; I have some stuff going on on the 13th involving a movie and maybe a party. Still, I feel like I've been let loose in a playground. I have the incredible luxury of seeing people I don't normally have time to see (some of whom I feel pretty guilty about not seeing for awhile) and just doing... things. Walking down to the park and swinging on the swings is an option; going to the beach is an option; just walking in a direction or sitting in a coffee shop is an option. Taking myself out to dinner is also an option.
I can spend late evenings at work if I want, watering plants as the sun is going down around me. It's a mellow time to work, and quite lovely.
There are some flies in the ointment to set against this, of course. Now that I'm not running full steam through everything I see that I probably shouldn't spend the money and time on PAX the weekend before I start school. I know someone who wants a ticket, so this is probably okay with everyone else, and it avoids-- I'll be honest-- one of those stupid awkward poly situations which always stresses me out.
The roofers threw boards on my tomato plants, which together with the weather means maybe no crop this year.
School is really rather expensive, and so although I'm making more money than I've ever made in my life it's not disposable income-- but that always happens to me, whether it's with rats or gardening or feeding people or whatever.
My house is an incredible pigsty because I have been so busy. I expect this weekend will help remedy that.
In the last couple of weeks I've picked up the very good habit of starting every morning with a smoothie-- usually banana and some kind of milk (almond or soy) with some flax thrown in for texture. Even if I end up eating a second breakfast, having that first thing makes the whole day go more smoothly. I'm learning not to make the smoothie with blueberries (they curdle the soy milk into soft tofu) and thinking about experimenting with a grapefruit and some sort of sweet juice base. I'm considering getting some of Brendan Brazier's vegan smoothie powder to throw in there too-- I lived off it for breakfast one year and it works --but until next paycheck the answer is a definite no.
I'm really really getting better at being aware when I need care-- either self-care or when I need to ask someone to do something nice for me. Sometimes I don't do those things, but the secret is that you don't have to do -everything- if you make it a practice of generally taking care of yourself-- the base level is high enough that it doesn't bring ya down not to do one thing. Life becomes less a seething mass of need and more a matter of this or that. I expect there will be periods where I backslide, as there have been in the past, but this is not one of those.
For now I feel I am the recipient of extraordinary good fortune: I have a lovely home, very good friends, I come home to someone who loves me, I eat well, my garden is lovely if a little flattened, my job engages me, my bosses are excellent, my innamorato is thoroughly engaging, the weather is fine, there are good prospects on the horizon both near and far... I have made this life with my own hands, and I have also been blessed with it. I will set myself to enjoying it for awhile.
And here I'm writing about talking about writing about writing.
I woke up this morning at 7:30, having decided last night I just wasn't going to freeschool this weekend. After a morning twitter scan I went back to sleep and had an apocalyptic action-romance dream starring an author I've never met or read, but know only through his tweets. The dream was a perfect two hours, had a lot of flooding and engaging camera work and emotional punch, and ended on a happy note.
I immediately got up and came here into the livingroom to write to you, livejournal, because I miss you. I definitely type more quickly than I handwrite, which perhaps might be remedied by several years of practice but which is a legacy of MUSHing with four character windows open or whatever for so long. I can generally type faster than I can think; I can handwrite about as fast as I can think.
My life is pretty good right now. I have this huge expanse of time, through August, unfurled in front of me like an empty banner and I have a paintbrush in my hand. I have work, but I don't have plans, and August is my favourite month. I mean, sure-- there's a Leo party one day, a West Wing marathon with the Writer one weekend, and a wedding-- but that I think is everything I have written down for the month. The usual suspects will fill some of the time; there's monthly Korean movie night, weekly movie night at Andrew's place which I often attend, if the Writer is doing Ramadan I think I have some business with him right about the beginning of that; I have some stuff going on on the 13th involving a movie and maybe a party. Still, I feel like I've been let loose in a playground. I have the incredible luxury of seeing people I don't normally have time to see (some of whom I feel pretty guilty about not seeing for awhile) and just doing... things. Walking down to the park and swinging on the swings is an option; going to the beach is an option; just walking in a direction or sitting in a coffee shop is an option. Taking myself out to dinner is also an option.
I can spend late evenings at work if I want, watering plants as the sun is going down around me. It's a mellow time to work, and quite lovely.
There are some flies in the ointment to set against this, of course. Now that I'm not running full steam through everything I see that I probably shouldn't spend the money and time on PAX the weekend before I start school. I know someone who wants a ticket, so this is probably okay with everyone else, and it avoids-- I'll be honest-- one of those stupid awkward poly situations which always stresses me out.
The roofers threw boards on my tomato plants, which together with the weather means maybe no crop this year.
School is really rather expensive, and so although I'm making more money than I've ever made in my life it's not disposable income-- but that always happens to me, whether it's with rats or gardening or feeding people or whatever.
My house is an incredible pigsty because I have been so busy. I expect this weekend will help remedy that.
In the last couple of weeks I've picked up the very good habit of starting every morning with a smoothie-- usually banana and some kind of milk (almond or soy) with some flax thrown in for texture. Even if I end up eating a second breakfast, having that first thing makes the whole day go more smoothly. I'm learning not to make the smoothie with blueberries (they curdle the soy milk into soft tofu) and thinking about experimenting with a grapefruit and some sort of sweet juice base. I'm considering getting some of Brendan Brazier's vegan smoothie powder to throw in there too-- I lived off it for breakfast one year and it works --but until next paycheck the answer is a definite no.
I'm really really getting better at being aware when I need care-- either self-care or when I need to ask someone to do something nice for me. Sometimes I don't do those things, but the secret is that you don't have to do -everything- if you make it a practice of generally taking care of yourself-- the base level is high enough that it doesn't bring ya down not to do one thing. Life becomes less a seething mass of need and more a matter of this or that. I expect there will be periods where I backslide, as there have been in the past, but this is not one of those.
For now I feel I am the recipient of extraordinary good fortune: I have a lovely home, very good friends, I come home to someone who loves me, I eat well, my garden is lovely if a little flattened, my job engages me, my bosses are excellent, my innamorato is thoroughly engaging, the weather is fine, there are good prospects on the horizon both near and far... I have made this life with my own hands, and I have also been blessed with it. I will set myself to enjoying it for awhile.
