yes, 100% yes all of this. i have been through everything you describe here, am going through some of it right now. you want it to be good so you change your head to make it good, that somewhat fills a need, but something else breaks because externally, it's not what you are trying to make it be. even if they intentionally or unintentionally do/say things to let you believe what you want.
i love those little text nibbles with another person through the day - "this happened, i'm thinking about this thing, how are you doing, here's a flower i saw." just little touchstones that build intimacy and space and safety. good morning/ good night, a space to say "i love you" and be heard and understood and reciprocated. and then when something emotionally significant arises, to be able to safely discuss it. that space is vital.
this is such a significant recognition though. you know what happened. that might shine light on how to have it not happen again.
thank goodness for Josh. he sounds so stable and *good*.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2021-08-18 06:55 pm (UTC)i love those little text nibbles with another person through the day - "this happened, i'm thinking about this thing, how are you doing, here's a flower i saw." just little touchstones that build intimacy and space and safety. good morning/ good night, a space to say "i love you" and be heard and understood and reciprocated. and then when something emotionally significant arises, to be able to safely discuss it. that space is vital.
this is such a significant recognition though. you know what happened. that might shine light on how to have it not happen again.
thank goodness for Josh. he sounds so stable and *good*.