Where I feel stuck
Jan. 21st, 2022 11:59 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
Social: how do I keep or create community when social media is a problem for me/I like its reminders of folks I know
Time use/work life balance: Assuming 9 hours for sleeping, 2.5 hours for cooking & eating, 8 hours of working, 30 minutes of laundry and toothbrushing, that leaves 4 hours for administrative details, friendship, hobbies, house maintenance, family, etc per day. Then if I'm supposed to get groceries, exercise, do mental health exercises...
Can I keep the farm? It's the thing that I feel matters, and doing farm things is one of the few soothing parts of my life. It's also most of my life. Do I need to give up the farm to have people?
Ok, I've had too many bad days in a row. Highly likely it's where I'm at in my menstrual cycle, but since I don't have gynecologist access I guess we try the other route again.
Made a game plan for some practical stuff with a check-in and assistance person (pig stuff, car stuff).
Verified with my employee line at work that they can't help with this, but am waiting for a callback on someone who can hopefully help me make a list of things to try and help me be accountable to doing them in the 5 sessions I get with we-can't-find-anyone-who-does-trauma-or-gender-or-autism random person (but-we'll-try-to-avoid-someone-who-will-make-it-worse).
Going to run some reality checks with my counselor (is this the right direction?).
Have probably secured funding for at least some of this, not because my government or workplace are competent at mental health but because I have friends with money.
Then:
Speaking to an expert at somatic experiencing therapy to make sure they're not gender and autism hostile (maybe international if I can't super verify someone in Canada), and to a Canadian expert in atypical autism and to make sure she's PDA-competent.
This brought to you by crying my way through another diversity and inclusion workshop at work (they're pretty good! But I'm so intensely triggered by them and scared of the idea of any sort of honesty at work that it's pretty clear it's a trigger attached to a ton of stuff and not a reaction to what's going on at the time, and I can't ground and continue because it was just continuous and I couldn't get out of it) and losing another day to being in a terrible place and honestly being pretty tired of all this and I'll be damned if I give up the farm and let my life diminish into nothing and let this fucking trauma win. Also to having started bleeding, which always helps so much.
Time use/work life balance: Assuming 9 hours for sleeping, 2.5 hours for cooking & eating, 8 hours of working, 30 minutes of laundry and toothbrushing, that leaves 4 hours for administrative details, friendship, hobbies, house maintenance, family, etc per day. Then if I'm supposed to get groceries, exercise, do mental health exercises...
Can I keep the farm? It's the thing that I feel matters, and doing farm things is one of the few soothing parts of my life. It's also most of my life. Do I need to give up the farm to have people?
Ok, I've had too many bad days in a row. Highly likely it's where I'm at in my menstrual cycle, but since I don't have gynecologist access I guess we try the other route again.
Made a game plan for some practical stuff with a check-in and assistance person (pig stuff, car stuff).
Verified with my employee line at work that they can't help with this, but am waiting for a callback on someone who can hopefully help me make a list of things to try and help me be accountable to doing them in the 5 sessions I get with we-can't-find-anyone-who-does-trauma-or-gender-or-autism random person (but-we'll-try-to-avoid-someone-who-will-make-it-worse).
Going to run some reality checks with my counselor (is this the right direction?).
Have probably secured funding for at least some of this, not because my government or workplace are competent at mental health but because I have friends with money.
Then:
Speaking to an expert at somatic experiencing therapy to make sure they're not gender and autism hostile (maybe international if I can't super verify someone in Canada), and to a Canadian expert in atypical autism and to make sure she's PDA-competent.
This brought to you by crying my way through another diversity and inclusion workshop at work (they're pretty good! But I'm so intensely triggered by them and scared of the idea of any sort of honesty at work that it's pretty clear it's a trigger attached to a ton of stuff and not a reaction to what's going on at the time, and I can't ground and continue because it was just continuous and I couldn't get out of it) and losing another day to being in a terrible place and honestly being pretty tired of all this and I'll be damned if I give up the farm and let my life diminish into nothing and let this fucking trauma win. Also to having started bleeding, which always helps so much.