Daily: human web
Aug. 10th, 2021 04:23 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
greenstormMy philosophy around removing things from my life is: replace them with something better first. It's easier to go towards a thing than away from it. It's easier to displace than to carve out an absence.
So I've been reaching out to people.
I reached out to a podcaster about tomatoes. I reached out to my Uncle Dave about how his sending me science books when I was a kid meant a lot to me, and how I'm happy now doing sciencey stuff. They both answered, and I need to answer back. Emails are a demand, even when they're a joy.
I reached back to my mom, who's finally not mid-ocean and who sent me a "happy birthday, I love you, how do you feel about the turning 40 thing?" message. We're texting back and forth a bit. She says her life got significantly happier after 50. This accords with my sense of aging: I get better at doing life, so life gets better.
I reached out to the person I maybe click with best? my friend Kelsey, and we chatted online about a bunch of stuff. It was like the biggest weight possible off. We can talk about important intense things, social trends, suicide, mental health, crafting, the world as a provider. We share values and both really value each other.
I should return the emails; then I can get more back. I should put reaching out to Kelsey in my calendar. I should answer my mom.
This is the web I need and have needed, the one that gives me resilience when the operation to remove a lump on my side is a little more intense than they expected and they have to pump more freezing in midway through while blood runs across my belly (now my tattoo, which is ecclesiastes 3.1-3.13, has strikethrough across "to mourn" which I view as an omen) and then the trailer hubs overheat on the one day I have to get grain and I need to drop it off at the mechanic and find an alternate feed source for a week when all I want to do is sleep.
Just having folks in the background makes it easier.
I've been tapering my pills to one per day and although I'm sleeping a lot a lot more I'm feeling more calm and capable, more like myself.
The weather is bouncing, we're back to warm after a bunch of cold after a bunch of warm after a bunch of cold after a bunch of warm. We've been having rain.
I've been getting a big mixing bowl of raspberries every day and making raspberry shrub.
Tomatoes keep trickling in.
There's a lot more to write about, but the sun came out and I'm tired. This daily write isn't soaring like words sometimes do. Even so it remains here as a monument to my future self: the people I want are there. Make room for them. There's no need to waste mental space on folks who are a poor fit.
So I've been reaching out to people.
I reached out to a podcaster about tomatoes. I reached out to my Uncle Dave about how his sending me science books when I was a kid meant a lot to me, and how I'm happy now doing sciencey stuff. They both answered, and I need to answer back. Emails are a demand, even when they're a joy.
I reached back to my mom, who's finally not mid-ocean and who sent me a "happy birthday, I love you, how do you feel about the turning 40 thing?" message. We're texting back and forth a bit. She says her life got significantly happier after 50. This accords with my sense of aging: I get better at doing life, so life gets better.
I reached out to the person I maybe click with best? my friend Kelsey, and we chatted online about a bunch of stuff. It was like the biggest weight possible off. We can talk about important intense things, social trends, suicide, mental health, crafting, the world as a provider. We share values and both really value each other.
I should return the emails; then I can get more back. I should put reaching out to Kelsey in my calendar. I should answer my mom.
This is the web I need and have needed, the one that gives me resilience when the operation to remove a lump on my side is a little more intense than they expected and they have to pump more freezing in midway through while blood runs across my belly (now my tattoo, which is ecclesiastes 3.1-3.13, has strikethrough across "to mourn" which I view as an omen) and then the trailer hubs overheat on the one day I have to get grain and I need to drop it off at the mechanic and find an alternate feed source for a week when all I want to do is sleep.
Just having folks in the background makes it easier.
I've been tapering my pills to one per day and although I'm sleeping a lot a lot more I'm feeling more calm and capable, more like myself.
The weather is bouncing, we're back to warm after a bunch of cold after a bunch of warm after a bunch of cold after a bunch of warm. We've been having rain.
I've been getting a big mixing bowl of raspberries every day and making raspberry shrub.
Tomatoes keep trickling in.
There's a lot more to write about, but the sun came out and I'm tired. This daily write isn't soaring like words sometimes do. Even so it remains here as a monument to my future self: the people I want are there. Make room for them. There's no need to waste mental space on folks who are a poor fit.
