Elementary
May. 3rd, 2022 10:04 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
greenstormI've been watching Elementary with Tucker. I feel similarly about it in some ways to Gentleman Jack-- a straight friend of mine said she didn't like the Gentleman Jack character because she did some bad things, and I said representation was so, so important: to see ourselves, not pedestalized, but as people.
I've never seen myself from the outside before, not really. Not anything I haven't invented in my mind. People don't pay enough attention or communicate clearly enough to really express their experience of me, except that it's frequently different from their experience with other people. Holmes, in Elementary... I see a lot of myself there. So much.
I see the way he switches modes, from work to interpersonal, from brusque to vulnerable, and how it looks manipulative from the outside. When I do that I'm just... switching modes, doing people when a moment ago my midn was probably doing plants. I see how he learns, how he loves, how he creates safety, how he gropes in the dark for guides on how to do humans and then when he finds them he holds on tight and fierce and proud. I see how the feeling of connection can mislead him into believing people are similar to him, and in some ways they are, but really they never are.
I see how he analyzes his mistakes and decides what to do next. I see him trying, and trying, and trying.
And I feel seen.
I really want to never meet whoever wrote this because if I never do, I can still hope that there's someone like me out there.
I've never seen myself from the outside before, not really. Not anything I haven't invented in my mind. People don't pay enough attention or communicate clearly enough to really express their experience of me, except that it's frequently different from their experience with other people. Holmes, in Elementary... I see a lot of myself there. So much.
I see the way he switches modes, from work to interpersonal, from brusque to vulnerable, and how it looks manipulative from the outside. When I do that I'm just... switching modes, doing people when a moment ago my midn was probably doing plants. I see how he learns, how he loves, how he creates safety, how he gropes in the dark for guides on how to do humans and then when he finds them he holds on tight and fierce and proud. I see how the feeling of connection can mislead him into believing people are similar to him, and in some ways they are, but really they never are.
I see how he analyzes his mistakes and decides what to do next. I see him trying, and trying, and trying.
And I feel seen.
I really want to never meet whoever wrote this because if I never do, I can still hope that there's someone like me out there.
