Positive Experience
Jul. 16th, 2004 06:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
greenstormYeah, surprising title, right?
But here it is:
I got to TOH and called the Juggler, as I have a date with him tonight and he has a company golf tournament such that he didn't know when he'd be done.
He said he'd be at least two hours later than he'd previously anticipated, probably more. That puts his arrival back to something like 8pm tonight.
I was pretty disappointed, of course, because I haven't had time alone with him yet this week and let's face it: by 8pm I'll be a zombie, he'll run off to do something more interesting, we sleep together, and then we both run off to do other things the next day. So I felt bad, and pissy, and sorry for myself, and generally unpleasant.
Then _greenwitch_ called to confirm our berry-picking/thrifting/stuff on Saturday. i got off the phone with her and started heading home. Halfway here, suddenly I felt better.
I have lots of neat things to do and cool people to do them with. I have no desire or obligation to sit around waiting for the Juggler to finish his stuff. I can do whatever I want, enjoy that time being with myself, and meet up with him *at my convenience* when both he and I are done.
This doesn't mean I'll go out of my way to make him wait, or anything. It just means that I go about being me, just like he goes about being him, and I don't hang anything on any particular instance.
This lifting of the spirit was something I felt very distinctly, and it's less militant than I think I sound. It's become a little wobbly as I write about it, and no doubt will become more wobbly when I'm comfortable doing something and he calls at 8:30 pm from his half an hours' drive away and interrupts me falling asleep for the night, or something. But it existed, and it can exist again, and it still does exist imperfectly.
So there.
But here it is:
I got to TOH and called the Juggler, as I have a date with him tonight and he has a company golf tournament such that he didn't know when he'd be done.
He said he'd be at least two hours later than he'd previously anticipated, probably more. That puts his arrival back to something like 8pm tonight.
I was pretty disappointed, of course, because I haven't had time alone with him yet this week and let's face it: by 8pm I'll be a zombie, he'll run off to do something more interesting, we sleep together, and then we both run off to do other things the next day. So I felt bad, and pissy, and sorry for myself, and generally unpleasant.
Then _greenwitch_ called to confirm our berry-picking/thrifting/stuff on Saturday. i got off the phone with her and started heading home. Halfway here, suddenly I felt better.
I have lots of neat things to do and cool people to do them with. I have no desire or obligation to sit around waiting for the Juggler to finish his stuff. I can do whatever I want, enjoy that time being with myself, and meet up with him *at my convenience* when both he and I are done.
This doesn't mean I'll go out of my way to make him wait, or anything. It just means that I go about being me, just like he goes about being him, and I don't hang anything on any particular instance.
This lifting of the spirit was something I felt very distinctly, and it's less militant than I think I sound. It's become a little wobbly as I write about it, and no doubt will become more wobbly when I'm comfortable doing something and he calls at 8:30 pm from his half an hours' drive away and interrupts me falling asleep for the night, or something. But it existed, and it can exist again, and it still does exist imperfectly.
So there.
