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[greenstorm]

I need to think very hard about how I struggle to connect impermanence and gratitude, and think of ways to honour and cherish things that don't involve permanence. This is revealing a gap there for me, because everything composts in the end. Why can I not honour gifts given me and also allow them to return to the earth?

Comments

[yarrowkat]

it is. i can feel the grief that will come in the wings of this decision, and i will do my best to make time to grieve the loss of all of this, even as i step into the new life with all my heart.

the all-my-heart part lets me know i'm doing the right thing. and then there's still this crazy-long timeline on it, so bits of things float to the surface and submerge again becase of that.

[greenstorm]

Long timelines are so so hard. I thought mine, from this spring to June, was difficult to handle! But maybe making incremental progress towards it regularly will help (you're doing the thing! Just one piece at a time) and it sounds like you have that lined up.

I still feel sad about Cor Viriditas. Many people, when they say they fall in love with a place, mean it as a metaphor. I don't. It seems like you've connected with your other place pretty strongly? Or is it mostly the freedom it represents?

[yarrowkat]

i am trying so hard to trust the process, trust that everything is happening in perfect timing. i kind of want it to be now. but it isn't now, so we have to plan it well and we have time to plan it well.

we're going out to Tara's for a week in December, to dig into these conversations in person & as a group. and re-center ourselves on the land and feel it in a different season. that'll be good.

the land there got under my skin, got into me. some particular trees. the old oak i stepped inside and stood in and listened to for a timeless while. bathtub springs & golden hillsides. i've always loved coastal California, as a guest. now i feel drawn to it as a denizen and steward. and i want the freedom & space, very definitely. but also definitely the land.

of course you are sad about Cor Viriditas. it was a very good very big dream that blossomed and fell very quickly. and that beautiful land, the heart.