Just here

[greenstorm]

Tucker was here for a brief weekend visit.

He's doing really well. And I don't mean that he's happy, necessarily. He's taking up space in the world, including the space that is Tucker-shaped and which he was terrified of before. It's really good to see.

It was really good to have him here too. I haven't been in word space lately, and with him especially (maybe him only, frequently) if I can't do words I can still feel safe and connected. All those little check-ins and feeling-cared-for communications can come through the body and don't have to be laboriously strung into justifications and explanations and grasping for enough precision that someone can figure out what I want, and then there's still interpreting their response.

Then, because I didn't have to talk, I could, and that was nice too.

We watched Sandman. It was.. I can see why a lot of geeky folks imprinted on it in their teenage years, I guess?

We talked a little bit about relationship and future stuff. He doesn't know anything, to let me know. I let him know, as I've done in the past, that I'll keep doing the parts of this which serve me but that I'm not committing time or energy to it without an answering commitment, and he understands that now I think.

He made sure that the visit didn't financially overextend me, which I appreciated a great deal.

It was really good. This is how the best long distance relationships are; a string of jewels that adorn my life rather than being integral to it.

Comments

[yarrowkat]

this sounds absolutely lovely. i'm glad things seem to be going so much better with him.

i'm looking forward to watching Sandman. i didn't imprint on it - i came to it in my late 30s by way of a girlfriend who had imprinted quite firmly on it - but i do find the art mostly stunning, and am looking forward to seeing what they did with it as tv.

[greenstorm]

So much of it is my perspective. If I feel an obligation to him, and that he's failing an obligation to me, in terms of long-term planning or even saying no to long term planning-- that's when things go sideways. And intellectually I know this. He's been "Tucker - Don't Commit" in my phone for years. I figure I am only allowed to keep the relationship if I can be realistic about that framework, and ok with it. If I keep getting hung up on wanting long-term certainty then I'll need to withdraw. I expect about 90% of my angst about it happens in a particular week and a half of my cycle.

Sandman was pretty. It didn't seem to have any groundbreaking ideas, it was a little light on character in the beginning, it had a gratuitous body-horror episode and a super delightful one. It leaned ULTRA hard on family abuse. But: really gorgeous, a couple of lovely bits.

[yarrowkat]

have you read Sandman? all of that is in the original comics - they're very dark, there's a substantial amount of gratuitus violence on several vectors - it is in some ways a horror story. and also the art is very beautiful. i've read that the tv folks found an actor who looks eerily like Dream from the comics to play the role.


and yes on the perspective shifts. it is so hard to do that, to change what you want and how to think about it, what to expect, but i see that you are doing it and it is working out.

[greenstorm]

I haven't read it, and I think I'm a little bit sensitive about-- you know, so many memes have been going around about how all geeks are united by having grown up with sandman, or when I posted that folks should be aware of family abuse triggers everyone was like, "well yeah, have you read it?" and it's like, well maybe the comic should also have the trigger warning, and some people haven't read it and can still comment about stuff like that? As someone who has seen pages from the comic and watched the show I'd say he doesn't look much like him, he really develops a neat style of movement that I appreciate and that maybe was conveyed in the comics in a way that can't show up in a couple pages?

Thanks, I hope I can keep it up.

[yarrowkat]

the comics should certainly come with a variety of warnings including gore, abuse, and dv. the different volumes of the comic have different types of violence but very few of them, possibly none, avoid violence entirely, and a lot of it is pretty awful and happens in a way that the reader sees both the actions and the psychological results. so it can be triggering and very intense to read.

they were published over the span of a couple decades, i think, and the artist team changed a few times in those years, so you get different visual styles and approaches to Dream and Death and the other Endless at different points in the story. i have a color omnibus edition, so it reads continuously even though it's really episodic, and sometimes the shifts are startling.

I'll watch it soon. i think His Dark Materials is my next show to watch (hoping they did a good job translating that to screen, too) and then Sandman.

[greenstorm]

I'm really interested to see how it compares for you! Tucker and I have discussed it a bunch, and I've done some reading of reviews.

I guess I was surprised that folks said the show was more nuanced than the comics and I still didn't feel it had much depth? So I have this sense I must have missed something.

[yarrowkat]

hmm, interesting. i wouldn't describe the comics as having much depth either. their appeal really is the art, art least for me.

I'm looking forward to seeing it! I'll post about it when I do and we can chat more.