Approval vending machine
Jan. 14th, 2023 07:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
greenstormI'm fb friends with someone I knew vaguely in high school, 25 years ago. I made a post on how my enjoyable conversations are with neurodivergent folks. She responded with a bunch of things:
1. She thinks of herself as "intellectually ADHD" but is neurotypical
2. She knows I would like having conversations with her (this... is clearly not true since this is the second conversation I've had with her in my life and it was in no way enjoyable)
I gently said she should maybe educate herself a little on the topic of autism, and she added:
3. She has friends with kids who are autistic, and an ex who is autistic, so she doesn't need to educate herself
4. She knows I would be offended if someone suggested I educate myself (this is super not true)
5. She knows I never talked to her in high school because I thought she was boring (this is also not true, I was busy masking and doing my schoolwork)
6. She thinks I should think she's interesting and should stop thinking she's a loser (I don't really spend energy judging whether I think people are "losers")
7. Then she listed some identity categories she belongs to, I guess to try and support that she thought I should like her
8. Then she said she wasn't at all upset, just stating facts
9. And she called me "quirky" like three times, as if autism is a cute trait I have so I make a good supporting character in a movie or something
I don't know whether I'm more creeped out because someone's self-worth I guess depends on whether I talked to them 25 years ago in high school (this is not someone who ever approached me for a conversation), whether I'm more creeped out by some sort of internal (and incorrect) story someone has about my internal thoughts and feelings, whether I'm furious that someone would believe this stuff about how I think and feel without ever even having a conversation with me, whether I'm offended that someone would use a medical diagnosis (ADHD) as some sort of a philosophical pose, or whether my PDA is kicking up at my behaviour being used as an object some supposedly grown adult is using to measure her self-worth.
I cannot imagine a single good thing that would come out of continuing the conversation in any way; she did not seem open to learning anything, she has never once asked anything about me, and she stated quite clearly that she found the idea of anyone telling her anything about autism was offensive since she considers herself an expert.
My PDA HATES that the story she made up and imposed on me, about what I was thinking and feeling about her and which was at no point in the past true, is kinda true now just because of what she said: I do have no interest in speaking with her anymore, and I don't any longer regard her as a potential interesting conversational partner. So while I completely know it's the right thing to not speak with her anymore, my PDA thinks I should become her friend and find the best in her just to prove her wrong.
My PDA is wrong about this and I'm not going to do it, it would be the equivalent of self-harming, but it's tearing me up.
Anyhow, I just needed to vent somewhere someone might understand. Commiseration and similar stories very welcome.
1. She thinks of herself as "intellectually ADHD" but is neurotypical
2. She knows I would like having conversations with her (this... is clearly not true since this is the second conversation I've had with her in my life and it was in no way enjoyable)
I gently said she should maybe educate herself a little on the topic of autism, and she added:
3. She has friends with kids who are autistic, and an ex who is autistic, so she doesn't need to educate herself
4. She knows I would be offended if someone suggested I educate myself (this is super not true)
5. She knows I never talked to her in high school because I thought she was boring (this is also not true, I was busy masking and doing my schoolwork)
6. She thinks I should think she's interesting and should stop thinking she's a loser (I don't really spend energy judging whether I think people are "losers")
7. Then she listed some identity categories she belongs to, I guess to try and support that she thought I should like her
8. Then she said she wasn't at all upset, just stating facts
9. And she called me "quirky" like three times, as if autism is a cute trait I have so I make a good supporting character in a movie or something
I don't know whether I'm more creeped out because someone's self-worth I guess depends on whether I talked to them 25 years ago in high school (this is not someone who ever approached me for a conversation), whether I'm more creeped out by some sort of internal (and incorrect) story someone has about my internal thoughts and feelings, whether I'm furious that someone would believe this stuff about how I think and feel without ever even having a conversation with me, whether I'm offended that someone would use a medical diagnosis (ADHD) as some sort of a philosophical pose, or whether my PDA is kicking up at my behaviour being used as an object some supposedly grown adult is using to measure her self-worth.
I cannot imagine a single good thing that would come out of continuing the conversation in any way; she did not seem open to learning anything, she has never once asked anything about me, and she stated quite clearly that she found the idea of anyone telling her anything about autism was offensive since she considers herself an expert.
My PDA HATES that the story she made up and imposed on me, about what I was thinking and feeling about her and which was at no point in the past true, is kinda true now just because of what she said: I do have no interest in speaking with her anymore, and I don't any longer regard her as a potential interesting conversational partner. So while I completely know it's the right thing to not speak with her anymore, my PDA thinks I should become her friend and find the best in her just to prove her wrong.
My PDA is wrong about this and I'm not going to do it, it would be the equivalent of self-harming, but it's tearing me up.
Anyhow, I just needed to vent somewhere someone might understand. Commiseration and similar stories very welcome.
