After an absence, a song...

This song's been going through my head all day. i've highlighted the particular repeats:

Oh, once upon a midnight, dearie
I woke with something in my head
I couldn't escape the memory
Of a phone call and of what you said

Like a game show contestant with a parting gift
I could not believe my eyes
When I saw through the voice of a trusted friend
Who needs to humor me and tell me lies
Yeah, humor me and tell me lies

And I'll lie too and say I don't mind
And as we seek so shall we find
And when you're feeling open I'll still be here
But not without a certain degree of fear
Of what will be with you and me
I still can see things hopefully

But you
Why you wanna give me a run-around?
Is it a sure-fire way to speed things up
When all it does is slow me down?

And shake me and my confidence
About a great many things
But I've been there I can see it cower
Like a nervous magician waiting in the wings

Of a bad play where the heroes are right
And nobody thinks or expects too much
And Hollywood's calling for the movie rights
Singing hey babe, let's keep in touch
Hey baby, let's keep in touch

But I want more than a touch, I want you to reach me
And show me all the things no one else can see
So what you feel becomes mine as well
And soon if we're lucky we'd be unable to tell
What's yours and mine, the fishing's fine
And it doesn't have to rhyme so don't you feed me a line

But you
Why you wanna give me a run-around?
Is it a sure-fire way to speed things up
When all it does is slow me down?

Tra-la-la-bamba dear, this is the pilot speaking
And I've got some news for you
It seems my ship still stands no matter what you drop
And there ain't a whole lot that you can do

Oh sure, the banner may be torn, and the wind's gotten colder
Perhaps I've grown a little cynical
But I know no matter what the waitress brings
I shall drink in and always be full
Yeah, I will drink in and always be full

Oh, I like coffee, and I like tea
I'd like to be able to enter a final plea
I still got this dream that you just can't shake
I love you to the point you can no longer take

Well alright, okay, so be that way
I hope and pray that there's something left to say

But you
Why you wanna give me a run-around?
Is it a sure-fire way to speed things up
When all it does is slow me down?

Oh you
Why you wanna give me a run-around
Is it a sure-fire way to speed things up
When all it does is slow me down?

It's by Blues Traveller, called Run Around, and the song itself is much better listened to than read.

It's been a good time, these last few days. I've needed this very much. When I said, earlier, that I needed time to myself-- it's nto just time that I need. It's a myself to have time with. It's my own things, that only I do, that I need to go out and do and not feel strange and unloved and odd for doing. It's time without thinking, where I can be.

More VanDusen stuff on the horizon -- I may be a horticultural club coordinator with an event, and I'm helping with the plant sale a whole weekend in April. I spent some time at a vanpoly meeting today, talking with a new person about poly (which so rarely happens at these things) as well as with the first person the SO and I ever knew from vanpoly. She's engaged now (hi, rainbowk!) and sick tonight.

Everyone is sick today, in fact. Not my immediate circle, I hope, but there were many sick people on the busses, on the streets, coughing and with nosebleeds. I worry about them.

I feel unusually whole, and well. I feel sad, as well, because it's at times like this where I am whole that I love most fully, and I see thw whole thing as an either-or sort of situation. You can share a life with someone completely, never be seperate from them in any way, but it will not be a big happy wonderful life. And you can have a big happy wonderful life, but that takes time and energy and work and selfness (as opposed to selflessness) such that you can touch another completely only rarely.

Sometimes, though, it does happen.

And sometimes it just cannot.

I do think about you, Jan, both happily and sadly sometimes.

I realised today that I'm very blessed in my life. I've never heard anyone say terrible things to be frm an institutionalised viewpoint. All the terrible things I've experienced have been personal, between another person and myself. No one has ever, representing a religion officially or not, told me I was bad. No one has ever, officially representing society or not, told me I was bad except for one girl, once, when I was in grade nine. I would say that the most threatened in my beliefs that I ever feel, I feel because I am what might be termed a Christian sympathiser -- that is, I do not like sitting in on Christian-bashing sessions any more than I like sitting in on anything else of the sort, gaybashing or polybashing or monobashing. My experience or lack thereof leaves me perhaps a little short on sympathy for a lot of that.

There has been a rather milder form of that sort of thing, in that people will say rather unpleasant things about Americans here, and I am American. Yes, of all the things I am, poly, agnostic, bisexual, 'weird', whatever categories I fit into, my Americanism is the one I've felt I needed to defend against.

Interesting.

That's a long enough entry, now, just random thoughts from the skytrain ride home. Take care, all, and may your rest be peaceful and cough-free. Drink some honey and lemon. And be well.