Grey Morning Blues?

So that was the (somewhat unexpected) long weekend. It was cloudy when we hauled most of the compost, which was good, and sunny for some time spent outside (which I didn't avail myself of, but was a nice change really).

It leaves me struggling with a bunch of things in my relationship with the Juggler and how that relates to my relationship with the group, though. I'm kind of scared of all this. When I make efforts to be completely comfortable with something, and then I am for awhile, I find that usually I push things too far and things get very uncomfortable in the end.

Eh. This stuff needs some thinking or talking through, I'm not real clear on exactly what's going on, I don't think.

On a more upbeat note, all the tomatoes are now planted. A bunch of sunflowers are planted, as are: collards, soybeans, soup beans, squashes of various kinds, chard, a bunch of salad greens, some more peas (in a relaly shady spot, we'll see if it works), and the potatoes. A lot of the seeds are actually _greenwitch_'s -- thanks so much for those!

There's a little more to go in still, but all in all things are shaping up.

This keyboard is annoying me greatly, so that's all to this update. :)

Greenie In Triplicate

So I've been thinking.

There are three major parts of my mind that respond to something. Two of them are easily confused: one I'll call the core-Greenie, and one the expected-Greenie. The former is just my immediate emotional reactions or needs in a situation. The latter is what I think I should feel, what i am expected to feel, what I feel because of my symbolic interpretation of things, generally based on how the society I've grown up in interprets things. So something will happen, then I'll feel something. This something might be something I actually feel about the situation (core) or it might be how I think I should feel about the situation, generally because this situation's also supposed to imply other situations (expected).

There's also the perspective-monster, which comes along after my immediate reactions. That's the part of me which says: Okay. I'm feeling bad because I can't spend time with the Juggler this week. It doesn't scar me permanently, it doesn't mean the relationship's going poorly and he doesn't like me (expected). I do feel lonely/missing him (core), but I don't really expect to not feel that way ever. So, the summary of this whole thing is that I'm a little unhappy about one thing and should do other things that do make me happy.

This insight has been brought to you by the letter A.

Ha, Ha, Ha.

I might as well give in and admit it. My true calling is to be the eccentric plant-lady who lives on the corner and raises lots of rats.

There are worse things, right? :D