Rain!

Outside, there is rain. I will not even attempt to use words for it. Only, go outside for a moment or two, and breathe.

And Also...

...thank you, Kynnin, for talking with me last night. You're still the only person with whom I can hold serious conversations about things that don't 'really' matter without training them first. I hadn't realised how important it was to me to lift into the abstract for a little while. It gets some of the mud off my boots, you know?

Cool Air

It is nothing but joy to go about in the cool air, wrapped in softness and warmth like a shield between myself and the bearable touch of cool air, cradled by yarn and skillful knitting or protected by a full belly of warm chili from the shivers that might otherwise assault me. It is nothing but joy to lie under the thick heaviness of the blanket and feel the cool air against my face, not cold, but giving a reason to take shelter in warmth, and when I wake to understand my clothes against my skin: warm wrappings that pour heat out at the throat and wrists in exchange for the caress of the cool air.

I'm All Grown Up

I had another one of those moments today. I've been doing my own laundry since I was ten or twelve, of course, but either at my own place or at friends' private washers or dryers. Today I bundled up my laundry, took two busses, and paid quarters into my very own machine at the laundromat to do my very own laundry there, all alone. This somehow makes me feel grown-up: sitting there on the couch waiting, avoiding the gaze of someone who told me (again) that my haircut looks 'really good on me, it doesn't suit most girls', listening for the beep, folding my laundry on the tables. It's a very different experience than doing it at home.

Here's a Thing:

Physical human contact is vitally important to me. Without it my mind is sluggish, I'm sad: it's the same as being without light, really. I don't mean sex, here, but simply touching another person sometimes. Do you know that _locke put his hand on my shoulder for perhaps two seconds today, and Estry has hugged me twice, and that is my human contact in the last week except for the drunken neighbor, which didn't count?

What do I do with this? It's useless to call it a need; you don't get something just by calling it a need. It's something to keep in mind, though. Even in the worst times with Kynnin, we touched each other once per week, holding each other at night. Again, a new thing, a thing with consequences which are almost wholly dark to my perception as yet.