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I Suck Sometimes.
Aug. 18th, 2004 08:37 amThat's pretty much a fact, and note the half-humorous smile on my face.
I do tend to centre my life around my 'Relationships-capital-R' even when it's not a good idea. I was starting to get comfily independent, just a little, but now I'm finding I have to fight the impulse to change my stuff back.
I think that in my particular case, this is a destructive practice.
I should plan my life and invite other people along, not plan it based on the shared interests I have with other people.
In other news, I love my rats, I sunburnt my head, I 'passed' my first VanDusen walk, I had my first overnight/nonplatonic date with the Juggler in approximately six weeks, i continue to experience mood swings, I'm getting the IUD in in about a month, it's my mom's birthday tomorrow, I love my mom, and she finally talked with me a bit about poly.
The thing about mom is she's so respectful. She says things like, "I think that for myself intimacy is lessened when its shared with multiple people". She doesn't say: Erin, you're wrong, whatever.
She also knows me better than I do, and so I worry a little when she says what she does. But what the hell, I know thhat a broad-based intimacy isn't available in this particular sexual/romantic situation anyhow. I think I know it on some level, at least.
Man, I -still- want someone to snuggle up with and share things with all the time, to sort of orbit through shared space with, but I want other things too. I want to always always have my very own room that I can kick people out of with the kind of bed I like in it. I want to feel ownership of my home, not in the monetary sense but in the 'I can do my stuff in this space and it likes me' sense.
The night spent at the Juggler's was pretty brutal for memories. Everything was so, so familiar, and we were too tired, even me, to set up a bed somewhere other than the history-laden bedroom. Next time that won't be so, though, since I learn from experience. ;)
I do tend to centre my life around my 'Relationships-capital-R' even when it's not a good idea. I was starting to get comfily independent, just a little, but now I'm finding I have to fight the impulse to change my stuff back.
I think that in my particular case, this is a destructive practice.
I should plan my life and invite other people along, not plan it based on the shared interests I have with other people.
In other news, I love my rats, I sunburnt my head, I 'passed' my first VanDusen walk, I had my first overnight/nonplatonic date with the Juggler in approximately six weeks, i continue to experience mood swings, I'm getting the IUD in in about a month, it's my mom's birthday tomorrow, I love my mom, and she finally talked with me a bit about poly.
The thing about mom is she's so respectful. She says things like, "I think that for myself intimacy is lessened when its shared with multiple people". She doesn't say: Erin, you're wrong, whatever.
She also knows me better than I do, and so I worry a little when she says what she does. But what the hell, I know thhat a broad-based intimacy isn't available in this particular sexual/romantic situation anyhow. I think I know it on some level, at least.
Man, I -still- want someone to snuggle up with and share things with all the time, to sort of orbit through shared space with, but I want other things too. I want to always always have my very own room that I can kick people out of with the kind of bed I like in it. I want to feel ownership of my home, not in the monetary sense but in the 'I can do my stuff in this space and it likes me' sense.
The night spent at the Juggler's was pretty brutal for memories. Everything was so, so familiar, and we were too tired, even me, to set up a bed somewhere other than the history-laden bedroom. Next time that won't be so, though, since I learn from experience. ;)
