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What Happens?
Jan. 16th, 2005 04:36 amIt's four thirty in the morning and my throat feels like decayed leather, all cracking and brittle. I'm awake because I don't like to breathe lying down, even though it's warmer beside Chris in bed and definitely more comfortable. The internet is barren of interest right now. Last night the Juggler called me and said, hey, wanna come over tonight? and I already had other plans. I'm slipping a bit from my independent pose, because that haunts me just a little tonight. I can't be fully here, because about a tenth of my mind is over there.
I wish I had something profound to say, but my life just sort of floats along. There are things that terrify me which I won't speak of until Monday or Tuesday, but they're scary enough that they stay away from my mind. I find myself wanting escapism recently, which is I think what crushes tend to be about for me. I want to spend time away from people with whom I have habits - not all my time, but some.
I think it's raining right now, finally, water pinging on the windowpanes and on the snow and maybe we'll wake up when it's light and see the streets all cleared away? Then I can stop being so furious about unshovelled walks, especially the one on MacDonald by 15th that had been polished to a glossy slipperiness (right next to an expensive-looking new house, jeh).
I want to immerse myself in making something. I want to spend a whole day in the Juggler's shop building shelves or something, twelve hours with a break for lunch. I want... to become engrossed in something, I guess, a person or a thing, because living too much in the present gets wearing, especially when you're physically uncomfortable.
It's likely that I'll end up with a home-delivery grocery service at some point, like www.spud.com, because it's a fun and exciting idea. Breklor, you have experience with these guys. Does anyone else?
My throat's beginning to clear. Soon it's back to bed for me.
*randomhugs*
I wish I had something profound to say, but my life just sort of floats along. There are things that terrify me which I won't speak of until Monday or Tuesday, but they're scary enough that they stay away from my mind. I find myself wanting escapism recently, which is I think what crushes tend to be about for me. I want to spend time away from people with whom I have habits - not all my time, but some.
I think it's raining right now, finally, water pinging on the windowpanes and on the snow and maybe we'll wake up when it's light and see the streets all cleared away? Then I can stop being so furious about unshovelled walks, especially the one on MacDonald by 15th that had been polished to a glossy slipperiness (right next to an expensive-looking new house, jeh).
I want to immerse myself in making something. I want to spend a whole day in the Juggler's shop building shelves or something, twelve hours with a break for lunch. I want... to become engrossed in something, I guess, a person or a thing, because living too much in the present gets wearing, especially when you're physically uncomfortable.
It's likely that I'll end up with a home-delivery grocery service at some point, like www.spud.com, because it's a fun and exciting idea. Breklor, you have experience with these guys. Does anyone else?
My throat's beginning to clear. Soon it's back to bed for me.
*randomhugs*
