Dec. 17th, 2005

Morning

Dec. 17th, 2005 09:50 am
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It's morning, and bright sunlight is pouring in through the curtain to fill the room like a bowl. There is music playing, quietly: my music. I am happy.

I want to post two poems from greatpoets, but want too to keep my words my own. They come out slow and struggling on this unfamiliar configuration of keys. I feel careful with them; usually when I write it feels like deep-diving, this feels like drinking from a water fountain.

Last night we wandered, blown by circumstance over the frosty streets of the city, until we found the best Vietnamese restaurant. A kite is a bird, without a string. The chief joy in images lies in juxtaposing the abstract and the particular.

Walking the city is an ownership for me. Steinbeck said that, if a man pulls food out of a piece of earth, it is his and he will fight for it thereafter. My feet, just walking, own the ground. A soul is not always so individual as we like to think. No man is an island, Donne wrote.

These are my words, chosen slowly and entered with effort. With them, I am saying: I'm well. Good morning. Smile today at something beautiful.
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Okay, just one.

Scaffolding by Seamus Heaney

Masons, when they start upon a building,
Are careful to test out the scaffolding;

Make sure that planks won't slip at busy points,
Secure all ladders, tighten bolted joints.

And yet all this comes down when the job's done
Showing off walls of sure and solid stone.

So if, my dear, there sometimes seem to be
Old bridges breaking between you and me

Never fear. We may let the scaffolds fall
Confident that we have built our wall.

Sin Meme.

Dec. 17th, 2005 09:59 pm
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A distraction. Odd because I consider myself somewhat gluttonous.

Intensity.

Dec. 17th, 2005 10:49 pm
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Relationship escalation. Job vs school decision. Car accident (not me or Juggler hurt) outside Juggler's house-- a paedestrian dashing didn't make it.

Weekend is intense so far. I'm sure the glasses of wine w/ company dinner help that. I'm not standing out there rubbernecking. Juggler's got the cell phone and blankets waiting for the ambulence-- the guy is unconscious, or something.
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Okay. This is a picture of one of the basic units of permaculture. Y'know how, in nature, certain plants will grow together naturally? This is an apple tree, an elderberry shrub, and a hawthorn. Planted together, they supper each other in the same ways (in certain climates) and are human-use plants. This picture *is* one of th ebackbones of permaculture.
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Look how quickly this swings. The alcohol's out of my system now, I'm glad of it. The wall was coming up, that feeling as if plexiglass were between me and the world, and it's not enjoyable for me at all. Now the music (an effective mood-altering tool) is rolling across my back, Juggler's putting together dvorak keyboards next to me, and I'm very sleepy. Life is more right.

I have a decision to make soon, and I'd like any feedback-with-reasons that you guys have for me. My bosses can't let me have the four months off for the apprenticeship this summer. They're training me for interior maintenance, and need to know if they should spend the rest of the money on training or not. Basically, if I go this summer, I'm out of work. I'd thought I'd made stuff clear to them during the summer, but apparently the communication wasn't complete enough. There's nothing uncomfortable about our interaction over this, I still love the company, but here are my options. Lying, saying I'm going to stay with them and then dumping them in the summer's not an option.

1) I take a shorter course (the traditonal 2-week permaculture design course is available in a couple of places in BC, including the place I would've been going). They're happy to let me have up to a month off for this sort of thing. With this, I could
a) make local permaculture connections-- so I wouldn't be getting the four-month practice in an agroforestry system, but I could be building community here in vancouver with the relocalisation groups, etc.
b) save up money to take other smaller courses, like cob building, workshops, etc
c) save up money to do permaculture touring, visit washington, california, brazil, god knows where
d) not rely on my mom for a lot of tuition money, since I can cover the two-weeker myself
e) get some more time in with Graham before his possible going-away

2) Try to find a new job and save up enough money to take this thing, with mom's help, during the summer. Possibly not like the job much, and be sort of at a loose end come October (after the practicum is over)
a) loose ends are an energetic place to be-- I'd be in a state of change, and catapaulted god knows where
b) this permaculture thing, if it's not full of too much political eirdness, is a bunch of easy pre-made networking nearby (I understand from the vanpermaculture group there may be weird political infighting. Wait, may be? These *are* humans)
c) I'd really know my stuff by teh end of this. Given seed, I could walk into a survival situation with experience
d) this is scary. Potential, potential.

So I'm ridiculously bad at job-hunting, as something to take into consideration.

Interestingly, I'm not upset by this stuff. The combo of job and permaculture thing seemed too good to be true, and look, it is. I've also been thinking, now that I'm starting to have free time, that some sort of local network is good/important (family dinner has helped push me in this direction-- emotional sufficiency, physical self-sufficiency, etc, where 'self' is a group), that I'd hate to network in the wrong places, that I want to devote time to my home city. So... hm. This is sounding like I've made the choice already, sorta-kinda. But, thoughts?

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