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Free Write
Mar. 10th, 2006 05:52 pmNavigating this complex territory is like being underwater; slow, clear, floating in an alien landscape. I couldn't tell you what this territory is. Perhaps it's only that I'm sick, or perhaps it's that I'm coming once again out of a dark winter where I was more wrapped up in myself and my angst than I should be, perhaps it's none of that.
This thing I find myself in is a web, a tangle, of interpersonal relationships. I am seldom alone-- now that I have Tillie as my roommate again, this is more true than before, although how I am not sure. It isn't like I ever went home, before. Now I do. The move is good for me. It's wonderful to come home *almost every day* at least once, at least for a little while. I kiss my rats, check their water, get clean clothes, do some dishes-- all these normal household things. I'm very happy.
So I move through people as if they were air- inescapable, a volume of invisible particles difficult to comprehend except in the abstract. I think of Trevor, I email Bevan about a hookup, I hug Crazychris, I rub SchoolgirlBob's hands, I live comfily with Juggler, I pass Tillie in the night like a ship, I honeymoon with Graham, I chat with my boss, I tidy my cleaning clients' things and see who sends them mail, I read livejournals, I smile at random people on the street, I glower at a waitress. These are people. This is a life. I have a home, whether I've a bed there or not, whether or not it will stay my home.
I spend a lot of time multitasking-- making a living and loving people like crazy.
Right now I'm home. I need a network cable to get nmy computer on the 'net, so I'm on Tillie's computer. My rats are behind me. I hear a key on the door, and end this post.
That's all.
This thing I find myself in is a web, a tangle, of interpersonal relationships. I am seldom alone-- now that I have Tillie as my roommate again, this is more true than before, although how I am not sure. It isn't like I ever went home, before. Now I do. The move is good for me. It's wonderful to come home *almost every day* at least once, at least for a little while. I kiss my rats, check their water, get clean clothes, do some dishes-- all these normal household things. I'm very happy.
So I move through people as if they were air- inescapable, a volume of invisible particles difficult to comprehend except in the abstract. I think of Trevor, I email Bevan about a hookup, I hug Crazychris, I rub SchoolgirlBob's hands, I live comfily with Juggler, I pass Tillie in the night like a ship, I honeymoon with Graham, I chat with my boss, I tidy my cleaning clients' things and see who sends them mail, I read livejournals, I smile at random people on the street, I glower at a waitress. These are people. This is a life. I have a home, whether I've a bed there or not, whether or not it will stay my home.
I spend a lot of time multitasking-- making a living and loving people like crazy.
Right now I'm home. I need a network cable to get nmy computer on the 'net, so I'm on Tillie's computer. My rats are behind me. I hear a key on the door, and end this post.
That's all.
