To Acquire

What am I forgetting?

First pass at the list, 5am.

Buy:

- Superwarm sleeping bag (MEC)
- Air mattress (MEC?)
Sleeping bag liner/sheets
Two tarps (hardware store)
Flashlight (solar charging or w/ tons of batteries) (MEC)
Gumboots (MEC?)/nonweighted army boots
Rope (MEC/hardware store)
Waterproof pants/jacket (MEC)
Waterproof totes?
Thermos (MEC)
Pot (thrift store)
Cast iron pan (thrift store)
Stove fuel
Socks
Jeans (Jean Queen)
Sunscreen
Insect repellant?
Hand lotion
Castile soap (1l Swdeet Cherubim)
All-purpose bucket
/Utensils (spatula, wooden spoon, fork, spoon, cup) (I wanna get MEC's frickin' folding plates)
Drum (yeah, fat chance on this paycheque)
Notebooks/journals
Pens
Solar phone charger? (MEC)
Pasta (Dollar grocer)
Pasta sauce (Dollar grocer)
Organic pancake mix (Dollar grocer)
Jam (Dollar grocer)
Butter (Dollar grocer)
Eggs (Dollar grocer)
Tea

Borrow:

Long underwear (Juggler)
Tent (Tillie? Al?)
Waterproof totes (Juggler?)
Camp stove (Tillie)

Bring:

Toothbrush
Towel
Swimsuit
Sandals
Sneakers
Long underwear
Shorts
Hat (sun & rain) (I should re-wax my Indy Jones hat)
Gardening gloves from under sink
Pruners/Scissors
Sunchoke tubers?
Reference books?
Reading books

* get Ellen's bannock-in-a-bag recipe

Ritual

There are a number of things that I do because they feel significant, although they have no actual use whatsoever. One of these things is painting my face. I very rarely use, and do not own, conventional makeup. I do have a little stash of theatrical makeup, though, and probably anyone who's hung out with me in person knows what I'm talking about with that.

When I'm wearing my contacts, I feel more whole and complete. When I'm wearing my contacts, I also almost always have the urge to paint myself. When I paint myself, I feel more like myself, say 70% of the time. The act of painting is oddly fulfilling, and a little odd. It involves tiny bits of liquids, carefully tapping powders to mix, and sometimes mixing in a spoon. It's weird that way.

I do other things in what feels like a ritual way, although generally not consistently. I will play the same one or two songs for a day or two on repeat, constantly, even when I'm not home. I find this soothing, whether or not I can hear them. I check email and livejournal every morning as if that means something. I read at least a sentence of text before sleeping. I dry between my toes after a shower. These things are simply things that I do, though, and not changes in what I am.

I pretty much subscribe to the idea that my body is the outward expression of me, that it *is* me, where my skin starts is where I begin. Altering my body is altering myself, and I like my body to be in harmony with my mind. Putting something into my body, consuming it or otherwise, is putting something *in* *me*. This is where both contacts and body paint make me feel a little weird with my own impulses.

I don't like the idea particularly that I'm not at home with myself without the products of a technological society. I'm quite happy to live in one, and happy enough to use its products for now, and less happy to use disposable things (the contacts bother me for that reason). Fair enough. But to feel that I would be somehow incomplete without the society there to provide exacting prosthetic medical devices or weird potions and powders? Huh. It's scary to be that much of a part of something this big and uncontrollable, to need it that much, and to let it into my body. Realise that one of the major reasons I'm taking this permaculture course is to solidify my skills so that I have the ability to be self-sustaining. Realise, too, that one of my major life goals is to increase the caloric output of Vancouver proper, so there is more food-sustainability here, and the other is to be able to sustain myself for awhile.

So you can probably see where this gets weird for me. But, there it is.

Tim calls me a cyberpunk. He says that I'm more cyberpunk than anyone he knows, and he knows some pretty interesting people. That's tended to make me uncomfortable for that very reason.

Hm.

When I wear my glasses nowadays, like now, my brain only imperfectly screens out the rims. I turn my head often to see what that thing was moving over there, when it was just a ghost from my glasses. When I take my glasses off, I feel nervous. When I take my contacts off, I don't get as much of a drop in vision as I do from taking off my glasses-- something in my brain interprets the removal of the glasses as more significant, and doesn't look as hard at things.

I know a lot of people getting laser surgery nowadays. Maybe that's the route to go.

( Bondage-y picture, view at own risk )

Finding the right balance of fight and acceptance, kicking ass and changing things versus bending and going along in life, is really kind of neat. I suck at it, but it's neat.

(Speaking of...)

(You guys may have noticed me learning actual html/livejournal tags which I use in these posts. You are seeing the screaming edge of my actual learning curve for code. I am so slow. How many years? But look, one thing every month or two, and I seem to be retaining with use. Yeah me!)

Points On A Line

Last year
2004 x2
And tomorrow will be three years of livejournalling

I'm aging well, dammit.

Lovers In A Dangerous Time - Barenaked Ladies. So good.