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Future Of Food
Jun. 24th, 2006 12:47 amFor those of you who missed tonight, there's a second showing: http://www.eooa.org/tourdates.html
Jun. 24th, 2006
Juggling As Metaphor
Jun. 24th, 2006 12:47 amFairly often I drop a ball. This comes from trying to have too many balls in the air at once to keep them all flying at the same time. I overextend myself, and whether it be that I lack the discipline to force myself to catch all the balls or whether I lack the actual ability, there's no doubt as to the overextension itself.
Lately I've been flying. Today some balls are dropping.
I don't mind dropping balls, personally. It's a part of how I do things; plant lots and what survives is a keeper, it's not a bad gardening style. Some things are better begun and never ended, just to keep the process flowing, to keep having fun, to keep the momentum high.
What I do mind is dropping people. I do this a fair amount; more and more the things I do include people or are connected to them in some way. More and more, when I drop a thing, I am also dropping a person. Sometimes this hurts a person, and I really don't like that.
I'd like to see my way a little clearer on this one. I'd like to see the world as something other than bad-to-self vs bad-to-other, as a series of mutually beneficial compromises and decisions. I want to be more mindful of the web of interconnections, so that when I make a decision the consequences involving other people don't surprise me but instead form part of the decision-making process in the first place.
Tonight I've been dropping balls like crazy. I feel a lot of 'shoulds' around this-- I should have known I'd be tired tonight, I shouldn't have overcommitted myself, I should have realised that it's been a really busy month and that I have too much on my plate, I should have got my time commitments and priorities clearer, I should have slowed down and figured this stuff out beforehand rather than responding in scattershot fashion to what was going on around me.
I'm very tired, and the high I've been riding since midway through the permaculture course, two weeks ago, has dropped me. I feel the strong need to curl up in a dark corner around my belly and just sort of hide and recover. I felt this way then too, although very lonely then and more over-socialed now. It feels as if, for a little while at least, the power has gone out of me.
I really need to sleep. I need to sleep deeply, and carelessly, and restfully; I need to not wake up at six or seven worrying about where I need to be and what I'm going to be doing that way. I need a weekend day, a real one, such as I haven't had for the last four weekends past except once, my surprise weekend on the Sunday before I left. I'll take this day, not tomorrow when I have responsibilities, but Sunday. No plans Sunday. Let it carry me.
I also need to re-evaluate my priorities and my commitment style. I need to learn to say 'that sounds like fun, I may do it' rather than 'yes'. I need to be careful who I tell to lean on me, and make sure that I can provide the support I'm offering when I offer it, or else be very clear that I might flake out. This is important; it's an integrity that I can deal without in others, but that I don't want others to need to live without in me. It breaks too many things accidentally. I break too many things in poeple and I'd like to decrease the number.
Having determined that, I'm going to go be unhappy for a little while. I'm going to let go of this analysis: is it a reaction to being too happy for too long, to slipping up and hurting people, is it me not appreciating... etc. I'm going to let it go and think that there are people who I love and who love me even if I'm not in the best frame of mind. And, holding that thought close-curled up against me, I will get ready to sleep.
And so, good night. See you, perhaps, at the Trout Lake farmer's market tomorrow.
Lately I've been flying. Today some balls are dropping.
I don't mind dropping balls, personally. It's a part of how I do things; plant lots and what survives is a keeper, it's not a bad gardening style. Some things are better begun and never ended, just to keep the process flowing, to keep having fun, to keep the momentum high.
What I do mind is dropping people. I do this a fair amount; more and more the things I do include people or are connected to them in some way. More and more, when I drop a thing, I am also dropping a person. Sometimes this hurts a person, and I really don't like that.
I'd like to see my way a little clearer on this one. I'd like to see the world as something other than bad-to-self vs bad-to-other, as a series of mutually beneficial compromises and decisions. I want to be more mindful of the web of interconnections, so that when I make a decision the consequences involving other people don't surprise me but instead form part of the decision-making process in the first place.
Tonight I've been dropping balls like crazy. I feel a lot of 'shoulds' around this-- I should have known I'd be tired tonight, I shouldn't have overcommitted myself, I should have realised that it's been a really busy month and that I have too much on my plate, I should have got my time commitments and priorities clearer, I should have slowed down and figured this stuff out beforehand rather than responding in scattershot fashion to what was going on around me.
I'm very tired, and the high I've been riding since midway through the permaculture course, two weeks ago, has dropped me. I feel the strong need to curl up in a dark corner around my belly and just sort of hide and recover. I felt this way then too, although very lonely then and more over-socialed now. It feels as if, for a little while at least, the power has gone out of me.
I really need to sleep. I need to sleep deeply, and carelessly, and restfully; I need to not wake up at six or seven worrying about where I need to be and what I'm going to be doing that way. I need a weekend day, a real one, such as I haven't had for the last four weekends past except once, my surprise weekend on the Sunday before I left. I'll take this day, not tomorrow when I have responsibilities, but Sunday. No plans Sunday. Let it carry me.
I also need to re-evaluate my priorities and my commitment style. I need to learn to say 'that sounds like fun, I may do it' rather than 'yes'. I need to be careful who I tell to lean on me, and make sure that I can provide the support I'm offering when I offer it, or else be very clear that I might flake out. This is important; it's an integrity that I can deal without in others, but that I don't want others to need to live without in me. It breaks too many things accidentally. I break too many things in poeple and I'd like to decrease the number.
Having determined that, I'm going to go be unhappy for a little while. I'm going to let go of this analysis: is it a reaction to being too happy for too long, to slipping up and hurting people, is it me not appreciating... etc. I'm going to let it go and think that there are people who I love and who love me even if I'm not in the best frame of mind. And, holding that thought close-curled up against me, I will get ready to sleep.
And so, good night. See you, perhaps, at the Trout Lake farmer's market tomorrow.
The Future Of Food
Jun. 24th, 2006 08:01 pmEOOA's in town with
The Future Of Food,
a documentary by Lily Films on the issues surrounding agriculture and our food supply.
EOOA is a grassroots group that travels throughout BC raising awareness on these very important issues. Come and inform yourself.
There will be a free screening Monday, June 26th at 7:30pm
at Strathcona Community Centre (601 Keefer Street (at Princess))
Call Lynda at (604) 713-1838 or just show up
Just watch the movie or stay to chat about it afterwards.
Healing Time
Jun. 24th, 2006 08:02 pmMmmmr. All better. Went to the farmer's market, ate enough cherries to make myself sick (only a little bit), failed to help launch a kite, ate some goat cheese, wandered home, and spent hours and hours in my home chatting with Tillie and napping and cleaning the sink and watering my plants. My future sublettor wandered by and I gave him a damage deposit, then invited him to Wreck tomorrow. A biking Juggler wandered by and chatted for a bit. Now I'm very comfy, and also kinda hungry, and feeling much more mentally stable.
I'm pretty happy.
Contemplating the upcoming move makes me a little nervous, but not as bad as it could be. This upcoming week is definitely moving week, with Tillie moving Mon-Tues-Wed evening, and me moving Thurs evening. If you aren't burnt out on helping her, you should come help me -- I'm only moving like, eight blocks, and I'm not even bringing all my plants. Easy. ;)
I need to wire-wrap the stone Jack gave me and my new quartz so I can wear them. Fpr this I need wire.
It's weird how a city environment seems to be designed to keep me from thinking properly. Stick me in a garden or a forest and I suddenly become both knowledgeable and smart, with lots of facts at my fingertips and a good intuitive sense of what's going on. Stick me in a room with boxes and chairs and I lose my mental abilities like nothin' else.
I'm pretty happy.
Contemplating the upcoming move makes me a little nervous, but not as bad as it could be. This upcoming week is definitely moving week, with Tillie moving Mon-Tues-Wed evening, and me moving Thurs evening. If you aren't burnt out on helping her, you should come help me -- I'm only moving like, eight blocks, and I'm not even bringing all my plants. Easy. ;)
I need to wire-wrap the stone Jack gave me and my new quartz so I can wear them. Fpr this I need wire.
It's weird how a city environment seems to be designed to keep me from thinking properly. Stick me in a garden or a forest and I suddenly become both knowledgeable and smart, with lots of facts at my fingertips and a good intuitive sense of what's going on. Stick me in a room with boxes and chairs and I lose my mental abilities like nothin' else.