Edges of Things

To Drink

I want to gather your darkness
in my hands, to cup it like water
and drink.
I want this in the same way
as I want to touch your cheek –
it is the same –
the way a moth will come
to the bedroom window in late September,
beating and beating its wings against the cold glass,
the way a horse will lower
his long head to water, and drink,
and pause to lift his head and look,
and drink again,
taking everything in with the water,
everything.

by Jane Hirshfield

Contentishness

My bike is in working order. I remember, now, why I loved the thing. It's exactly right for me, everything the right shape and the right length, and there's something about the way it feels between my legs-- not thistledown blowing-away, but not heavy either, just energetic. I am going night-riding on Thurs around midnight with Juggler-- I don't work Friday.

I have a new ratty baby! He is super-cute, a black hooded with a few tiny black spots on his back rather than the heavy trail that Arthur and Merlyn had. He's relatively young, not quite full-grown (unless there's a bit of malnutrition going on) but close-- maybe four months old or so. He is ridiculously sweet, bright-eyed, curious and interested despite a lot of surroundings-changes, a little bit hand-shy but not much, not fond of being held yet, and probably named Rain. He's come to me through porphyre and I am grateful. I will pick up my petaluma baby this coming weekend, then they'll both get fixed. Yay!

I'm dropping back into analytical mode, or perhaps this is just some sort of reaction to so much body-time at the folk fest.

My intention is to go dancing at Blender this week before biking, to go dancing at skank on Sunday, and to go dance at the Valle Son concert next Thursday. I love dancing. On the days I'm not dancing, I'm gonna go running. I like this stamina my-body-functions-properly thing really well. I love being able to do what I want without worrying about getting too tired, or it hurting too much, or whatever.

My mom comes back from Japan on Thursday! I've missed her so much. I'm happy. My brothers and I are planning a surprise party for her in early August. You should come, play Scrabble with her, eat a bit, see the marina, and... sit in the sauna? Well, maybe not the latter. I don't know if I mentioned that my mom is the best person ever, but she is.

At some point this week I need to do massive amounts of laundry. I wonder if I can combine that with socialising Rain? Maybe laundromats won't be into me bringing a rat.

I've been really irritable, irritating, and bitchy on and off for awhile now. I wonder if that's a not-sleeping-enouigh thing? It may just be. Hm.

My schedule continues to look weird, with this one-day-weekend three-day-weekend repeating pattern. Sigh.

I need to make more food for myself. I kinda like cooking.

Now I leave for work. Care.

My New Boy

Rain and I are in love. I'm in love with him-- he's quite a character, sweet, a smart little cookie, and he smells good.

He's in love with my girlies. When I pet them, then him, he's very interested in me. He's my very own girl-crazy teenage boy! Music also seems to mystify him. he peers at the speakers for minutes on end.

Lightning likes boy-smell, too, but the other girls are pretty laid-back-- well, Helen's getting older and Silver's always laid back, so maybe that's not surprising.

In internal analysis land, I've realised that, in order to do self-improvement, sometimes you need to be self-destructive. To borrow a metaphor, repainting the walls doesn't do much for the structural integrity of a building. Sometimes you gotta lay a new foundation. The question is, what's useful and necessary and what's purely self-indulgent crap?

Further, coming back from he folk fest no-walls dancing and slamming into uniform-wearing corporate cubicle world makes me all weird and analytical. Time to get back in my body. Tonight. Climbing and running on the agenda.

Yeah, yeah, I only ever post my schedule right before I change it.