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Feb. 29th, 2008
I have more time before work than I thought. Let me elaborate.
I was at his place last night. I expected it to hurt a lot, but be comforting. It was comforting, but it was friendly, too. I think that high beautiful shining thing that was between us, well-- it can't *be* between us without both people, and it's already receding to the status of legend in my mind.
So it was friendly. I think he felt good to know that I'm okay, that I am in fact -well-: sad sometimes, but not damaged. How can I be damaged by someone who has treated me so well? Hurt, yeah, but we all hurt each other sometimes.
Trevor said, last night, that he's glad this happened to me. He was getting worried about my... something. I can see what he means. I was getting too casual about life, and too hardened around the edges.
So it was friendly, and I think it was good for us both. (repeat, repeat, repeat). I know, most of you think it's an awful thing to be doing right now, but hey.
And I'm thinking: I'm really honest-to-god free right now. I'm not -with- anyone. I could spend a year learning to do rockwork, then I could spend a year or two learning to do tree-work (climbing trees with a chainsaw, just think: I'm afraid of heights -and- powertools), then I could... go to south america and do tree canopy science. That would be awesome. My friends would come visit, and I wouldn't be leaving anyone reluctantly.
So yeah, already dreaming again, which is what I was missing. My dream of coming home to Angus and my babies every day was very beautiful, and I treasure it. I won't let it turn to pain. Instead, I'll let it lead the way.
I was at his place last night. I expected it to hurt a lot, but be comforting. It was comforting, but it was friendly, too. I think that high beautiful shining thing that was between us, well-- it can't *be* between us without both people, and it's already receding to the status of legend in my mind.
So it was friendly. I think he felt good to know that I'm okay, that I am in fact -well-: sad sometimes, but not damaged. How can I be damaged by someone who has treated me so well? Hurt, yeah, but we all hurt each other sometimes.
Trevor said, last night, that he's glad this happened to me. He was getting worried about my... something. I can see what he means. I was getting too casual about life, and too hardened around the edges.
So it was friendly, and I think it was good for us both. (repeat, repeat, repeat). I know, most of you think it's an awful thing to be doing right now, but hey.
And I'm thinking: I'm really honest-to-god free right now. I'm not -with- anyone. I could spend a year learning to do rockwork, then I could spend a year or two learning to do tree-work (climbing trees with a chainsaw, just think: I'm afraid of heights -and- powertools), then I could... go to south america and do tree canopy science. That would be awesome. My friends would come visit, and I wouldn't be leaving anyone reluctantly.
So yeah, already dreaming again, which is what I was missing. My dream of coming home to Angus and my babies every day was very beautiful, and I treasure it. I won't let it turn to pain. Instead, I'll let it lead the way.
Two songs, with lyrics
Feb. 29th, 2008 04:27 pmMatchbox Twenty, All I Need
Everywhere someones getting over
Everybody cries
And sometimes you can still lose even if you really try
Talking about the dream
Like the dream is over
Talk like that
Wont get you nowhere
Everybodys trusting in the heart
Like the heart dont lie
And thats all that I need, yeah
Someone else to cling to, yeah
Someone I can lean on
Until I dont need to
Just stay all through the night
In the morning let me down
Cause thats all that I need right now
Everywhere someones getting over
Everybodys life is someone
People still use other people with a crooked smile
And all around the world theres a sinking feeling
Out there right now someones feeling
Down on themselves and dont know why
Every night...
Third Eye Blind, Semi-Charmed Life
...
She living she golden and she lives for me
Says she lives for me
Ovation her own motivation
She comes round and she goes down on me
And I make her smile
Like a drug for you
Do ever what you want to do
Coming over you
Keep on smiling what we go through
One stop to the rhythm that divides you
And I speak to you like the chorus to the verse
Chop another line like a coda with a curse
Come on like a freak show takes the stage
We give them the games we play
She said I want something else
To get me through this
Semi-charmed kind of life baby baby
I want something else
Im not listening when you say
Good-bye
...
How do I get back there to
The place where I fell asleep inside you
How do I get myself back to
The place where you said
I want something else to get me through this
Semi-charmed kind of life baby baby
I want something else
Im not listening when you say
Good-bye
I believe in the sand beneath my toes
The beach gives a feeling an earthy feeling
I believe in the faith that grows
And the four right chords can make me cry
When Im with you I feel like I could die
And that would be all right, all right
...
When the plane came in
She said she was crashing
The velvet it rips in the city we tripped
On the urge to feel alive but now Im struggling to survive
Those days you were wearing that velvet dress
You are the priestess I must confess
Those little red panties they pass the test
Slides up around the belly
Face down on the mattress
One, and you hold me and were broken
Still its all that I want to do just a little now
Feel myself heavy as the ground
Im scared but Im not coming down no no
And I wont run for my life
Everywhere someones getting over
Everybody cries
And sometimes you can still lose even if you really try
Talking about the dream
Like the dream is over
Talk like that
Wont get you nowhere
Everybodys trusting in the heart
Like the heart dont lie
And thats all that I need, yeah
Someone else to cling to, yeah
Someone I can lean on
Until I dont need to
Just stay all through the night
In the morning let me down
Cause thats all that I need right now
Everywhere someones getting over
Everybodys life is someone
People still use other people with a crooked smile
And all around the world theres a sinking feeling
Out there right now someones feeling
Down on themselves and dont know why
Every night...
Third Eye Blind, Semi-Charmed Life
...
She living she golden and she lives for me
Says she lives for me
Ovation her own motivation
She comes round and she goes down on me
And I make her smile
Like a drug for you
Do ever what you want to do
Coming over you
Keep on smiling what we go through
One stop to the rhythm that divides you
And I speak to you like the chorus to the verse
Chop another line like a coda with a curse
Come on like a freak show takes the stage
We give them the games we play
She said I want something else
To get me through this
Semi-charmed kind of life baby baby
I want something else
Im not listening when you say
Good-bye
...
How do I get back there to
The place where I fell asleep inside you
How do I get myself back to
The place where you said
I want something else to get me through this
Semi-charmed kind of life baby baby
I want something else
Im not listening when you say
Good-bye
I believe in the sand beneath my toes
The beach gives a feeling an earthy feeling
I believe in the faith that grows
And the four right chords can make me cry
When Im with you I feel like I could die
And that would be all right, all right
...
When the plane came in
She said she was crashing
The velvet it rips in the city we tripped
On the urge to feel alive but now Im struggling to survive
Those days you were wearing that velvet dress
You are the priestess I must confess
Those little red panties they pass the test
Slides up around the belly
Face down on the mattress
One, and you hold me and were broken
Still its all that I want to do just a little now
Feel myself heavy as the ground
Im scared but Im not coming down no no
And I wont run for my life
More Chatter
Feb. 29th, 2008 04:42 pmThere were a couple songs we listened to a lot. One was eleven saints, by Jason Webley. The other was Handle With Care, by the travelling wilburys.
Note my totally random capitalisation.
Right now I'm listening to the End of the Line, also by the Wilburys.
An old friend of mine complimented me on recent maturity I've been showing. I said, yes, that means a lot because I've seen a bunch of my friends mature in neat ways recently, and it's awesome. Then I realised -- I've stuck around long enough, now, that I have known people long enough to see them change and grow up. I'd never had that experience before. I've seen the way people change, the way they deal better, the way they become more confident and sure of themselves. I understand that confidence and selfness are a process, not an inborn thing that you either have or you don't.
Isn't that nice to know?
Note my totally random capitalisation.
Right now I'm listening to the End of the Line, also by the Wilburys.
An old friend of mine complimented me on recent maturity I've been showing. I said, yes, that means a lot because I've seen a bunch of my friends mature in neat ways recently, and it's awesome. Then I realised -- I've stuck around long enough, now, that I have known people long enough to see them change and grow up. I'd never had that experience before. I've seen the way people change, the way they deal better, the way they become more confident and sure of themselves. I understand that confidence and selfness are a process, not an inborn thing that you either have or you don't.
Isn't that nice to know?