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Freedom and the soul
Jul. 10th, 2009 08:08 pmIf it weren't so obnoxious, I would sit here and type out the lyrics to this one song over and over. Sometimes songs lift themselves out of the babble and become my theme song for a little while; they follow me around, their words define me, they play whenever the rest of the noise subsides even for a second.
When I go home and put them on, it's like peeling away an uncomfortable layer of my brain. I feel as if I've woken up, and things come out.
Last night I hung out with a couple friends; I ended up talking with Ryan and realised I probably have potential for a very good friend there, one of the kind who can fade to the background sometimes and come forward again cyclically: you know, the only kind of friend I can make? It's good to know.
I also remember (again and again and again, why do I forget it?) that social contact is so important to me. I need conversation. I need to play in the spaces of language and concept with people. I need to exchange stories. I need the sound of voices. I need to care about individuals, to exercise that whole range of emotion and expression we're granted as humans. And I do this best one-on-one.
Today was going to be a long day at work drinking mojitos and pulling up paving stones. Instead it involved getting sort of lost, getting stung by bees, and (get this) raking up leaf litter from a FUCKING PRISTINE PIECE OF HEMLOCK/CEDAR FOREST. I cannot believe this person got this house, built in such a way as to minimise impact on the steep, rocky, gorgeous hillside-- think this without a touch of interference or stairs or traffic:( Read more... ) and then didn't like seeing the leaves that fell from the tree out her kitchen window that looked onto UNDISTURBED FOREST WITH NO INVASIVES that climbed up to the top of a mountain, studded with lovely mossy granite blocks and chips.
And as we were raking up the leaves, pulling out fallen deadwood, etc (and here I am praying for forgiveness under my breath the whole time, not because I have a particular deity or anything like that but because what I am doing is in fact and in symbol so entirely profane and awful that the situation demands some ritual for acknowledgement and forgiveness) my co-worker (not the usual one, I was with someone else today) says brightly, "it's starting to look better, isn't it?"
Seriously, how can we do this to the world?
When I go home and put them on, it's like peeling away an uncomfortable layer of my brain. I feel as if I've woken up, and things come out.
Last night I hung out with a couple friends; I ended up talking with Ryan and realised I probably have potential for a very good friend there, one of the kind who can fade to the background sometimes and come forward again cyclically: you know, the only kind of friend I can make? It's good to know.
I also remember (again and again and again, why do I forget it?) that social contact is so important to me. I need conversation. I need to play in the spaces of language and concept with people. I need to exchange stories. I need the sound of voices. I need to care about individuals, to exercise that whole range of emotion and expression we're granted as humans. And I do this best one-on-one.
Today was going to be a long day at work drinking mojitos and pulling up paving stones. Instead it involved getting sort of lost, getting stung by bees, and (get this) raking up leaf litter from a FUCKING PRISTINE PIECE OF HEMLOCK/CEDAR FOREST. I cannot believe this person got this house, built in such a way as to minimise impact on the steep, rocky, gorgeous hillside-- think this without a touch of interference or stairs or traffic:( Read more... ) and then didn't like seeing the leaves that fell from the tree out her kitchen window that looked onto UNDISTURBED FOREST WITH NO INVASIVES that climbed up to the top of a mountain, studded with lovely mossy granite blocks and chips.
And as we were raking up the leaves, pulling out fallen deadwood, etc (and here I am praying for forgiveness under my breath the whole time, not because I have a particular deity or anything like that but because what I am doing is in fact and in symbol so entirely profane and awful that the situation demands some ritual for acknowledgement and forgiveness) my co-worker (not the usual one, I was with someone else today) says brightly, "it's starting to look better, isn't it?"
Seriously, how can we do this to the world?
