Totally irreplaceable

One of the reasons I love this boy so much is that when I wake up at 7am on Sunday morning and start off by saying, 'so which of these girls should we keep, this one has a nicer coat and that one nicer ears?' and progress to cage cleaning with Neil Diamond's Soolaimon on repeat, his response is, 'let me help you clean cages, I might go for a smoke first though.'

Last night he let me describe the hook pull (dancing with weights is the best thing ever!) because it was all bubbling out of me, though it made him twitch from time to time-- boy'd likely pass out if he had to watch me suspended.

I love him. More than that, though, it's a good fit and I hope a good partnership. I'm very hard to deal with on a daily basis- random, eccentric, unpredictable but cyclic, stubborn, perfectionist, demanding, poly & rats never help, I alternate between distant independence and clinginess, and I don't really trust easily.

He's okay with that. In return he's moody to depressive, chronically ill, comes with a crazy family, sucks at cleaning up after himself, and is still figuring out what he wants from life. He's still as bright as a bonfire though, and so warm people are naturally drawn close. He may be the most generous person I've ever met, and he has a remarkable sense of perspective. I respect anyone who cares about me but knows me well enough to be patronizing when I'm really upset, and he's got there.

There are parts of my life he'll never share, and parts he'll share only through my words. If anyone has *me* though, the core or the essence, it's him-- right in line after myself, for I am exceptionally in posession of my own self lately.

So why other people? That's more than a phone keyboard can bear. I'm gonna unlock my post back a few days about that though.

Good morning, world. I'm glad to be a part of you.

Bodyfeel

TS Eliot put a few words next to each other which keep sticking in my head. He was writing to his wife when he said, 'to whom do I owe this leaping delight' but that phrase stuck with me, and it rings through my head on days like these over and over.

Leaping delight is what I feel. My shoulder muscles are tired-- they've done very unusual things lately, from unusual directions. The tops of my shoulders were especially stiff and exhausted last night, and I slept lots. This morning carrying a bag a block takes those shoulder muscles past wooden feeling into that thin tight metallic feeling of intense exhaustion, and I am aware of muscles I don't normally notice. I am really sad that it's over-- I want to hook those balls up again and feel them pulling against my flesh in that crazy predictable dance with momentum and gravity.

I'm in my center. I like it here, I like being here, and here I am.

Gonna heal astoundingly fast, piercing wounds, even 11gauge, are tiny. Not sick anymore, and will stay that way if I sleep tonight. Couple hours' work and couple hours' snuggling on the agenda today, so it shouldn't be too hard.

Off to work in the rain now. Be well.