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Mar. 19th, 2021 03:36 pmHard to eat. Hard to sleep. When I lie down for a nap I wake up before my eyes fully close with a dream memory of breaking a gun in my hands.
Some springs are gentler than others, this one is again like a constant crashing of cymbals a couple feet away. There's not yet peace in it.
And yet-- the tomatoes are up, mostly. The ones from Annapolis seeds didn't germinate as reliably, which isn't great. A couple are getting their first true leaves: Martino's Roma, Exserted Orange, Maya & Sion's Airdrie Special, Karma Purple Multiflora, Rinon Rippled Delight. Heat and planting depth weren't totally even but it's a piece of information anyhow.
Last year I seeded flats of asparagus. It's a multi-year process to grow asparagus from seed, it starts producing in year 3 or 4. It overwintered in flats on my deck since I didn't want to plant it and have it eaten immediately by voles. The snow on my deck is receeding so I brought the flats indoors because I am impatient and want to know if they survived sooner rather than once it's warmer out.
I can almost see the ground under the snow. Tiny rivers are running underneath the snow, visible under trees and in odd patches and then hidden again. By April 1 I should be able to seed the grains.
I wrote about my past self today and used "they" instead of "she". It felt... better, like a kindness granted to that person, like freighting it less with things it could not possible carry. Within that previous sentence I realized I can use "it" for myself here in my own journal and no one can stop me. What a bittersweet but gorgeous feeling. Almost like a continuity of self.
Maybe I will get my bike out today and ready it for spring. There was freezing rain last night but the roads are mostly clear of snow now so afternoons should be safe. "Embodied" is currently a difficult state, maybe with enough exercise it'll be better.
Some springs are gentler than others, this one is again like a constant crashing of cymbals a couple feet away. There's not yet peace in it.
And yet-- the tomatoes are up, mostly. The ones from Annapolis seeds didn't germinate as reliably, which isn't great. A couple are getting their first true leaves: Martino's Roma, Exserted Orange, Maya & Sion's Airdrie Special, Karma Purple Multiflora, Rinon Rippled Delight. Heat and planting depth weren't totally even but it's a piece of information anyhow.
Last year I seeded flats of asparagus. It's a multi-year process to grow asparagus from seed, it starts producing in year 3 or 4. It overwintered in flats on my deck since I didn't want to plant it and have it eaten immediately by voles. The snow on my deck is receeding so I brought the flats indoors because I am impatient and want to know if they survived sooner rather than once it's warmer out.
I can almost see the ground under the snow. Tiny rivers are running underneath the snow, visible under trees and in odd patches and then hidden again. By April 1 I should be able to seed the grains.
I wrote about my past self today and used "they" instead of "she". It felt... better, like a kindness granted to that person, like freighting it less with things it could not possible carry. Within that previous sentence I realized I can use "it" for myself here in my own journal and no one can stop me. What a bittersweet but gorgeous feeling. Almost like a continuity of self.
Maybe I will get my bike out today and ready it for spring. There was freezing rain last night but the roads are mostly clear of snow now so afternoons should be safe. "Embodied" is currently a difficult state, maybe with enough exercise it'll be better.
