Jul. 8th, 2021

Recovery

Jul. 8th, 2021 02:19 pm
greenstorm: (Default)
This process of coming back to myself continues little by little. Some of it is still coming back slowly from school, from the years without friends or gardens. Some of it is coming back from being very busy at work previously. Some of it is coming back from the startup or transition mode of relationships where more energy gets directed into interpersonal shaping what will happen. Some of it is coming back from the shock of working with normative folks in an office now that I'm working from home a bunch. Some of it is coming back from office-only work as I start to rack up the field days. Some of it is... I don't know, there's a lot of coming back into myself. Some of it is coming back from the world of the internet and the place where folks try to fix issues with enough cruelty to the correct people, and where empathy can only be directed in approved channels.

I'm living in the garden. I don't want to leave it. I am captivated by all the day-to-day changes and comparisons and reactions it has for me. I have enough of it that I can't reach the end of my interest in the time I have: there are always so many things of interest to me. I come in to sleep and to work and sometimes to eat.

My connective feelings are waking up, and that's allowing me to connect to my own feelings too. Living in my emotions is a lot like settling into a papasan chair full of cushions and blankets. It's comfortable; it allows me rest and ease but if I need to get out to do something else for whatever reason it's a struggle. Whatever I was doing before felt like sitting in a high-backed hardwood dining chair: I could easily jump up into action but I could never relax or feel comfortable. I'm surprised at the amount I need to reassure myself that my feelings are ok. I'm not entirely sure where this struggle came from: they used to be such a welcome and integral part of me.

The idea of talking to people, to certain people and in certain circumstances, is starting to feel a little welcome to me. Just cautiously, just around the edges. I'd felt so left behind when the couple people I'd been depending on jumped into reopening and started getting their social nourishment from other people; at the same time I still didn't like or want any people other than those, I hadn't yet built back meaningful connections with my people. Now I can feel, at least, hope or desire for those connections. They'll take time but it'll come. And the thing is, a big part of me is really really loving people. It still feels like the pins and needles of blood coming back into a sleeping limb.

I'm playing with food, or at least with mostly drinks and sauces because it's hot: golden turmeric milk, ube milk, moroccan mint/green tea, champurrado, all sorts. It's a good start.

Recovery

Jul. 8th, 2021 02:19 pm
greenstorm: (Default)
This process of coming back to myself continues little by little. Some of it is still coming back slowly from school, from the years without friends or gardens. Some of it is coming back from being very busy at work previously. Some of it is coming back from the startup or transition mode of relationships where more energy gets directed into interpersonal shaping what will happen. Some of it is coming back from the shock of working with normative folks in an office now that I'm working from home a bunch. Some of it is coming back from office-only work as I start to rack up the field days. Some of it is... I don't know, there's a lot of coming back into myself. Some of it is coming back from the world of the internet and the place where folks try to fix issues with enough cruelty to the correct people, and where empathy can only be directed in approved channels.

I'm living in the garden. I don't want to leave it. I am captivated by all the day-to-day changes and comparisons and reactions it has for me. I have enough of it that I can't reach the end of my interest in the time I have: there are always so many things of interest to me. I come in to sleep and to work and sometimes to eat.

My connective feelings are waking up, and that's allowing me to connect to my own feelings too. Living in my emotions is a lot like settling into a papasan chair full of cushions and blankets. It's comfortable; it allows me rest and ease but if I need to get out to do something else for whatever reason it's a struggle. Whatever I was doing before felt like sitting in a high-backed hardwood dining chair: I could easily jump up into action but I could never relax or feel comfortable. I'm surprised at the amount I need to reassure myself that my feelings are ok. I'm not entirely sure where this struggle came from: they used to be such a welcome and integral part of me.

The idea of talking to people, to certain people and in certain circumstances, is starting to feel a little welcome to me. Just cautiously, just around the edges. I'd felt so left behind when the couple people I'd been depending on jumped into reopening and started getting their social nourishment from other people; at the same time I still didn't like or want any people other than those, I hadn't yet built back meaningful connections with my people. Now I can feel, at least, hope or desire for those connections. They'll take time but it'll come. And the thing is, a big part of me is really really loving people. It still feels like the pins and needles of blood coming back into a sleeping limb.

I'm playing with food, or at least with mostly drinks and sauces because it's hot: golden turmeric milk, ube milk, moroccan mint/green tea, champurrado, all sorts. It's a good start.

Nourish

Jul. 8th, 2021 09:21 pm
greenstorm: (Default)
Garden successes so far:

Sweet success cucumber gave me my first cuke today and is loaded
Sweet cherriette was the first ripe tomato, bloody butcher were the first consistently ripe tomatoes, though those were seedling flowers. I'm guessing exserted orange will be the next and the green grocery store cherry is setting lots of fruit.
Amyrilla tomatillo seems to get sunscald more easily than the other types
Sorrento broccoli rabe was an amazing early producer, though it's bolted by now.
Olympia spinach held better than longstanding bloomsdale
This year is bucketing oregano and parsley
Rhubarb was very sweet, mild, and abundant this year
Prelude wheat was first to head.
Gaspe corn was first to silks
Taiga tomato is holding its tomatoes really well through stress and seems like it'll be the first to size up
Wheat and barley are excellent at drought resistance compared to corn
Georgia candy roaster squash is most voluminous right now, while the Lofthouse squashes were first to start running
Starburst magic manna corn is the biggest
Lavender parching corn tillers the most
Russian black fava was first to flower and to set pods
Famosa cabbage looks like the first to head
Groninger blue kale/cabbage is robust and resistant to what ails anything
Copenhagen market cabbage started off slow but has really caught up
Matchbox pepper is, as always, the first to fruit and the most reliable
Paprika from around here is the second most reliable pepper and it looks like doe hill, ace, and black hungarian are thinking about third place
I should always plant more edible chrysanthemum than I think I need
Saxa bean is bulletproof through early germination
Green salad bowl lettuce avoided bolting on my deck through 40C temps (the deck got up to 45 where that pot is) and is still tasty
Borage actually did come back
The grapefruit mint s giant and is taking over

Nourish

Jul. 8th, 2021 09:21 pm
greenstorm: (Default)
Garden successes so far:

Sweet success cucumber gave me my first cuke today and is loaded
Sweet cherriette was the first ripe tomato, bloody butcher were the first consistently ripe tomatoes, though those were seedling flowers. I'm guessing exserted orange will be the next and the green grocery store cherry is setting lots of fruit.
Amyrilla tomatillo seems to get sunscald more easily than the other types
Sorrento broccoli rabe was an amazing early producer, though it's bolted by now.
Olympia spinach held better than longstanding bloomsdale
This year is bucketing oregano and parsley
Rhubarb was very sweet, mild, and abundant this year
Prelude wheat was first to head.
Gaspe corn was first to silks
Taiga tomato is holding its tomatoes really well through stress and seems like it'll be the first to size up
Wheat and barley are excellent at drought resistance compared to corn
Georgia candy roaster squash is most voluminous right now, while the Lofthouse squashes were first to start running
Starburst magic manna corn is the biggest
Lavender parching corn tillers the most
Russian black fava was first to flower and to set pods
Famosa cabbage looks like the first to head
Groninger blue kale/cabbage is robust and resistant to what ails anything
Copenhagen market cabbage started off slow but has really caught up
Matchbox pepper is, as always, the first to fruit and the most reliable
Paprika from around here is the second most reliable pepper and it looks like doe hill, ace, and black hungarian are thinking about third place
I should always plant more edible chrysanthemum than I think I need
Saxa bean is bulletproof through early germination
Green salad bowl lettuce avoided bolting on my deck through 40C temps (the deck got up to 45 where that pot is) and is still tasty
Borage actually did come back
The grapefruit mint s giant and is taking over

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