No bones broken
Jun. 1st, 2022 07:09 amOkay. I'm pretty much stabilized as far as I ever am. It's weathering out, sunbeams lancing strongly through and under big heavy grey clouds. The saskatoons have started blooming - they're ridiculously extravagant wedding-white bushes that grow everywhere - and it's warmed up. Even my slow aspen clone is thinking about opening its leaves.
The long and short of it is that I dived into the new person fully, expecting that whatever the bumps were going to be I could handle them because I had lots of snuggles and sex and that increases my capacity a ton. When it turned out that all or most of that wasn't on offer due to mononormative something something secret something oh dear gods whatever, well, I'd already committed a lot of my energy and it left me flailing. I've got myself more balanced again and I'll no doubt keep picking away at that connection, but until he sorts himself out I won't have certainty so there's no point in hurrying about it. I do like my certainty. Too bad the world doesn't really offer it.
In the meantime it's planting time. As soon as I get this contract finished up at work I can take that time off I intended ot take two weeks ago. The big tiller still hasn't arrived - the delivery folks may be a little weird because of some historic Avallu interactions - but I have the little one and I can start with that. I got the gas for it yesterday. This time I know enough to put fuel stabilizer in *all* fuel, not just what I expect to be the last tank of gas.
A&E have, perhaps unsurprisingly given the general thrust of this, not had the resources to do clearing so they won't be field-growing down there. My garden is right back to being here and only here, just with a chunk cut out of it. The squash and melons have emerged, I'm planting half the squash three weeks before indoors and half direct seeded because I'm curious.
It will feel good to get my corn into the ground finally.
I am actively looking forward to getting my house functional again inside, not piles of seeds and transplants everywhere.
I probably need to sort out something to wear on the bike. Jeans or sweatpants are annoying in that context. Surely I still have leggings around?
The long and short of it is that I dived into the new person fully, expecting that whatever the bumps were going to be I could handle them because I had lots of snuggles and sex and that increases my capacity a ton. When it turned out that all or most of that wasn't on offer due to mononormative something something secret something oh dear gods whatever, well, I'd already committed a lot of my energy and it left me flailing. I've got myself more balanced again and I'll no doubt keep picking away at that connection, but until he sorts himself out I won't have certainty so there's no point in hurrying about it. I do like my certainty. Too bad the world doesn't really offer it.
In the meantime it's planting time. As soon as I get this contract finished up at work I can take that time off I intended ot take two weeks ago. The big tiller still hasn't arrived - the delivery folks may be a little weird because of some historic Avallu interactions - but I have the little one and I can start with that. I got the gas for it yesterday. This time I know enough to put fuel stabilizer in *all* fuel, not just what I expect to be the last tank of gas.
A&E have, perhaps unsurprisingly given the general thrust of this, not had the resources to do clearing so they won't be field-growing down there. My garden is right back to being here and only here, just with a chunk cut out of it. The squash and melons have emerged, I'm planting half the squash three weeks before indoors and half direct seeded because I'm curious.
It will feel good to get my corn into the ground finally.
I am actively looking forward to getting my house functional again inside, not piles of seeds and transplants everywhere.
I probably need to sort out something to wear on the bike. Jeans or sweatpants are annoying in that context. Surely I still have leggings around?