Well

Started planting day by stepping on a rusty nail. I have my tetanus shot and it didn't go all the way through. It bled a lot, so I think it cleaned itself out pretty well. So, it's fine. But I'll have to be a little more gentle and deliberate about the day, no running back and forth to get things from the house, and I'll probably have to run the tiller in smaller chunks.

I guess Threshold wanted a blood sacrifice with her planting. Fair enough! My poor shoe though.

One good moment

I've been looking backwards a lot lately. It's funny, I have almost never spent a ton of time reading back through old journals, but this last few weeks I seem to have been doing a lot. In some ways I'm the only person who can give myself good advice, though that was back at the breakup with Angus where we had just started, then had this breakup, then decided the breakup sucked and we'd just change our relationship to suit ourselves instead.

So much looking back and I'm searching maybe for a sense of perspective on my life. I've gone from one extreme to another, from no space for my hobbies and no privacy or ownership over space around me but a ton of people around who loved me all the time to, well, the opposite. It's almost like going back further, into my early-mid teens where I lived out in the middle of nowhere and connected to people only via the internet, but I had 5 acres to play on.

Even in those old writings I could plot you my hormonal cycle based on how I feel about things. The cycle seems to be exacerbated by a lack of touch and closeness maybe? But also by a lack of stability or certainty.

Just now, though, I'm appreciating sitting here with my nail-holed foot up on the couch. I got three hours of corn planting and tilling in this morning, if I can do another three today I suppose that's ok? I was hoping for more, but that was before I had a hole in my foot.

Gardening is one thing but making lunch really hurt. I got through it. I had a nice doctored ramen with egg and cabbage and I'm drinking my favourite wine and talking to Josh about corn shellers. He's telling me that the Lehman one catches the cob at the end of its run by magic, which appears to be true in videos of its use. Hopefully someone I know will find one for me at a thrift store in those piles of unknown cast iron objects, I bet there's one in Clinton.

Now I can nap and go back into the garden with my foot hopefully a tiny bit healed up and listen to the truly wonderful Future Ecologies podcast while planting and anticipate Tucker's arrival in not so long at all: less than two weeks.

Plus, imagine, if this all works out I'll be able to add corncakes or Jonnycakes or tortillas to my food rotation.

Sometimes things don't go, after all, from bad to worse.