Wheeeeeee

Ok, I'm starting to work my way through the official autism screening. Oh wow is this an emotional ride. This is what support crew is for: bringing me tea while I write, making sure I eat, bringing me kleenexes if I'm crying. Instead I'm going to have to do it in several bursts, working until it gets too intense, then going out into the garden and planting the energy of my feelings into the corn and tomatoes until I've recovered and doing it all over again, like that.

I think I've just realized something. Having a person to emotionally regulate with tremendously increases my capacity -- my functioning level, if you will. I just cannot achieve as much adverse/uncharacteristic/non-autistic stuff without that. The person doesn't even have to be neurotypical, they just have to be present and I'll regulate better.

Is this masking, and me using the mask? Or is it just getting help with regulation?