Autism assessment: Question 2

What they want in the answer
*3-4 memories or examples
*list which parts are relevant
*in the context of my culture, is the example behaviour different as compared to predominant neurotypes
*is the behaviour present across multiple contexts

2. What differences in non-verbal communication do you experience?

Some examples they give include 1a) the social use of eye contact (more oer less) 1b) conveying, recognizing, and understanding body language, emotions, facial expressions, or tone of voice. Do you use volume, pitch, or rhythm of speech differently than the predominant neurotype? Has anyone mentioned that you have less animated facial expressions? Has anyone said that they have a hard time understanding what you are thinking or feeling? 1c) Has anyone mentioned anything regarding gestures that you use when communicating?

1a) I only recently learned that people look at each other’s eyeballs. My whole life I’ve normally looked at the wrinkles beside people’s eyes, which hold a lot of information. I only like to look into people’s eyeballs if it’s someone I’m experiencing an intense moment of connection or emotion with. Eye contact for me is very intense and intimate, I think similar in type if not quite in degree to what normative society assigns to sex. I used to think this was normal, because I've used quick bits of eye contact to indicate flirtation and attraction to people and it successfully conveyed this information. I assumed that if actual direct eye contact conveyed attraction that it wouldn't also be used in other con other social contexts but I never looked directly at someone's eyeballs in those contexts to see.

1b) I have no idea if I convey or recognise emotions through nonverbal cues better or worse than other people. I can often tell if someone is distressed, especially if I know them well or if we're not currently engaging (like if I look at them across a room and they aren't paying attention to me) but I also studied body language as a child and I pay close attention to these sorts of information. When I'm in conversation with someone I'll often be focused on the content and subtext of their language and I won't take nonverbal channels in very well.

I have often been accused of being "relaxed" when I am not relaxed and of being cold or emotionless. I have been told I clearly can't feel love. I have been told that based on my facial expressions and tone I am clearly a sociopath and will become a murderer. I have been told I sound like a cartoon character. I am certainly much better at reading other people's emotions than they are at reading mine.

Touch for me communicates a lot; I’m very comfortable communicating support and emotion through touch with people who also communicate that way. I don’t think I’m nearly as good at communicating those things verbally; I also receive support and comfort through touch much more clearly than I do verbally.

I am very easily overwhelmed by other people's intense emotions; if they're very hurt or very joyful or very angry or very uncomfortable (even if they're trying to conceal it) I definitely pick up on that and I often feel overwhelmed, I can't think well, and I go into a fight/flight/shutdown state. Often, that shutdown state is the point where people accuse me of being emotionless. It's not that I don't know they're having feelings, it's not that I don't want to respond, it's that I don't know the right response to give and may not be able to produce it.

I am only recently learning to use body language to communicate deliberately, for instance to present a “no, don’t come closer” movement. I am good at communicating interest by not-quite-looking-at-people-and-smiling, which is a strategy I deploy deliberately to communicate interest.

I don’t understand the way people communicate using object positioning

My tone when I’m asking for information or sharing my thoughts seems to set people on the defensive a significant percentage of the time unless I specifically and deliberately alter it. I often forget to do that if I trust the person or if I’m interested in what they’re saying.

When I am in an intense situation, whether that's an emotional/interpersonal situation, an intense thought/internal situation, or whether I have a to of sensory overload or input, I often lose the ability to physically talk-- I can form words in my head, but I can't make my body produce them. Sometimes in those situations I can write.

I don't know what nonverbal cues people use to indicate that they want to initiate conversations except for flirty/sexual types of darting eye contact.

I am not good at naming emotions, though I recognise that they are occurring.

People are rarely able to convey accurate compassion or empathy to me.

1c) No one has mentioned anything about gestures I make when communicating