Should/Am

Things that need to get done:

Feed brought and stored, garlic planted, wood stacked, ducks separated, everything watered, roses planted, mushrooms innoculated, straw covered, pig house built, daffodils planted, lard processed, food eaten, animal carriers power washed, back of truck cleaned under mats

Things I'm doing:

Stacking wood, laundry, reading about seam finishing, sorting existing fabric stash, researching cost effective (eg seconds) fabrics available to me for sewing, deciding on details of patternmaking, heating lard, washing bedding, watering garden prior to tilling

There's some overlap!

Home

Many years ago I had a single session with a counselor who asked me, what if you could do what you wanted without worrying about what other people wanted from you? and it was somewhat life-changing. I danced with that question daily for a couple years and I'm pretty sure it changed a bunch of my behaviours in the end.

Lately, on and off, more frequently in the last few months, a question that feels similarly fraught keeps entering my thoughts. What if I'm happy? it asks me, what if this is all you need to be happy?. It crossed my mind several times today., up from once a day, up from once every couple weeks, up from every couple months.

I was visiting with my neighbour today, saying this spot feels a little too busy and too many people for me, and he asked what my ideal situation would be. For just a moment I wanted to say, actually, everything is good.

Today I split wood and did laundry and did the dishwasher and rendered lard and moved the sprinkler around and didn't go get expired groceries for the pigs and chatted with the neighbour and took a nap and there are potatoes in the oven right now.

What if?

What if it's possible to have enough, and this is it?