A safe container
Feb. 13th, 2024 08:29 amThoughts don't come easy on this new medication. It gives me access to physical energy/ability to do things, but that energy is drawn from the same pool I'd use to think, and it doesn't make the pool any bigger. The more I draw on the physical pool, the worse the cognitive pool gets. It's also striking how clean the lines are on what my mind can do and what it can't do when I look at cognitive tests. I'm so curious about it and I'd like to know more.
(think of that last paragraph like a 5 mile run where I pause and just sit, doing the mental equivalent of panting, and decide that's enough on that subject because there are other things I want to write about).
Today I was once again thinking about how PTSD and autism are linked in our society. More specifically, how perception of actual reality is discouraged-- how people with sensory differences are taught from very young that their senses are lying to them. Sunlight, or heat, or cold, or sitting in a chair, or low noise-- those aren't really painful, don't be silly. Twirling, or standing on your toes, or doing proprioceptive activities, those can't possibly be stabilizing, they're distracting, don't be silly.
So it's hard to learn, not just what pain or pleasure or stability feel like, but also what reality is. It's hard to interact with the actual world because we can't share those experiences, we need to keep them secret.
(another pause for cognitive breath, while I give up on where that train of thought was going)
It's beautiful here today. Good crisp below zero, bright sun bouncing off the snow, if you had a south-facing rock you could nap in front of it while the thermometer read -15C and it wouldn't be cold.
I started a ton of pepper seeds on the weekend. Last year I'd tried really hard not to start too many seedlings, so when the garden club started up and started selling seedlings I didn't have any extra. The year before I was going to be moving to the Island so I didn't start much. This year I can go back to starting lots of seedlings and Corrie said she can sell them at the farmer's market, I guess people snap up anything that looks like a seedling no matter what in the spring. So: peppers started. Tomatoes will be started roughly beginning of March. Squash will be started roughly mid-end April, along with cucumbers. Not sure if I should do lettuce etc?
I definitely need to set up my big shelf for seedlings. Right now things are being started, waiting for dividing in a flat, under my one light. Looking forward to this.
Meanwhile my body hasn't been able to do pottery much, and Tucker was here last week, so that's been slowly humming in the background. TS Eliot is always on my mind. At some point my skill may be enough to capture some of this.
(think of that last paragraph like a 5 mile run where I pause and just sit, doing the mental equivalent of panting, and decide that's enough on that subject because there are other things I want to write about).
Today I was once again thinking about how PTSD and autism are linked in our society. More specifically, how perception of actual reality is discouraged-- how people with sensory differences are taught from very young that their senses are lying to them. Sunlight, or heat, or cold, or sitting in a chair, or low noise-- those aren't really painful, don't be silly. Twirling, or standing on your toes, or doing proprioceptive activities, those can't possibly be stabilizing, they're distracting, don't be silly.
So it's hard to learn, not just what pain or pleasure or stability feel like, but also what reality is. It's hard to interact with the actual world because we can't share those experiences, we need to keep them secret.
(another pause for cognitive breath, while I give up on where that train of thought was going)
It's beautiful here today. Good crisp below zero, bright sun bouncing off the snow, if you had a south-facing rock you could nap in front of it while the thermometer read -15C and it wouldn't be cold.
I started a ton of pepper seeds on the weekend. Last year I'd tried really hard not to start too many seedlings, so when the garden club started up and started selling seedlings I didn't have any extra. The year before I was going to be moving to the Island so I didn't start much. This year I can go back to starting lots of seedlings and Corrie said she can sell them at the farmer's market, I guess people snap up anything that looks like a seedling no matter what in the spring. So: peppers started. Tomatoes will be started roughly beginning of March. Squash will be started roughly mid-end April, along with cucumbers. Not sure if I should do lettuce etc?
I definitely need to set up my big shelf for seedlings. Right now things are being started, waiting for dividing in a flat, under my one light. Looking forward to this.
Meanwhile my body hasn't been able to do pottery much, and Tucker was here last week, so that's been slowly humming in the background. TS Eliot is always on my mind. At some point my skill may be enough to capture some of this.