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Jul. 21st, 2025 12:08 pmI haven't been doing counselling as much lately as before. Not just because of the financial cost, but in part because of the energy cost. When any activity counts as several full days worth of energy I find I want to guard some for myself: if there's a disability update, a financial discussion, a doctor's visit, a specialist's visit, I want some of that week left over for myself.
For the last few years I've been using this counselor for practical things: help me come up with a list for the disability tax credit, help me figure out how to support my need to do community work despite my disability, that sort of thing. But I've also been using her for the validation and person to talk to about things I love that I wasn't getting from Tucker.
At this point Josh has come in to fill that last space, the space of someone who likes to hear about what makes me happy and what I'm interested in. He's been making time regularly, once a week, to talk. That's left me talking more about harder things in counseling and so it takes more energy and the return doesn't feel as good. So, less counseling.
At this point I need to figure out a way to introduce positive stuff into it if I want to keep doing it. I do very much appreciate this counselor's ability to understand my PDA -- most people in my life overcompensate once they think they know what it is, removing choice from me, instead of just accepting that I'll say no to things. They also don't know how to laugh about the truly incredible things my brain can get up to.
But she can't quite follow me to the space I'm missing now, which is I guess spiritual. I do know a counselor who can do that, though I'm reluctant to step back into a dual-counselor space that may be what I do: the PDA counselor for solid, practical advice and understanding, the other one for helping re-find my place in the world. The world needs proactive love more than reactivity now more than ever, and that needs to start with internal assonance, with a full understanding of my own values and how they fit into this very complicated species.
That really is important. I probably need to look her up.
For the last few years I've been using this counselor for practical things: help me come up with a list for the disability tax credit, help me figure out how to support my need to do community work despite my disability, that sort of thing. But I've also been using her for the validation and person to talk to about things I love that I wasn't getting from Tucker.
At this point Josh has come in to fill that last space, the space of someone who likes to hear about what makes me happy and what I'm interested in. He's been making time regularly, once a week, to talk. That's left me talking more about harder things in counseling and so it takes more energy and the return doesn't feel as good. So, less counseling.
At this point I need to figure out a way to introduce positive stuff into it if I want to keep doing it. I do very much appreciate this counselor's ability to understand my PDA -- most people in my life overcompensate once they think they know what it is, removing choice from me, instead of just accepting that I'll say no to things. They also don't know how to laugh about the truly incredible things my brain can get up to.
But she can't quite follow me to the space I'm missing now, which is I guess spiritual. I do know a counselor who can do that, though I'm reluctant to step back into a dual-counselor space that may be what I do: the PDA counselor for solid, practical advice and understanding, the other one for helping re-find my place in the world. The world needs proactive love more than reactivity now more than ever, and that needs to start with internal assonance, with a full understanding of my own values and how they fit into this very complicated species.
That really is important. I probably need to look her up.
