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Aug. 14th, 2025 10:50 amWriting too often is bad, because it uses up energy. Writing often is good, because it helps me remember who I am, and I'm an external processor so it lets me think through things.
Thinking through things is bad, because it uses up energy and I'm no longer good enough at it to get an energy return from optimizing things. Thinking through things is good because, well, maybe it isn't.
Whiskey went in to the vet to get two teeth pulled the other day, including his one long, cracked fang. I made the backseat of the truck into a bed, took him in, napped, went to the extra fancy garden center's half-off sale (my birthday was at the beginning of the week so) and learned that hellebores overwinter here (!!!!!), bought a grape vine and some flowering perennials, ate at an overpriced restaurant that had air conditioning, napped in the truck again, picked up Whiskey, got stuck in traffic, and came home.
I'm still recovering but so is Whiskey so we're doing it together. I can't believe how lucky I've been in my animals. They're just all so... loving. And, all things considered, unbelievably well behaved. Little Bear hasn't broken a dish in a year or something?
It's interesting to observe my symptoms so clearly. Normally I don't do a day that big, but if I'm going to crash it's because of an accumulation of things on top of what I thought I could manage already, like I visited a friend and then have to answer disability questions unexpectedly or have a doctor's appointment and then something emotional happens, in the same two week period. But I've had two days now that were extremely big days, the Friday which was two interpersonal things plus whatever else it was, doctors I think and scheduling an appointment, and then the Monday which was the vet, and I was still wobbly on Monday tbh.
There's a distinct delay before the issues set in, which I think is why it's hard to be really knife-brutal about cutting things off at the time. I don't immediately collapse (well, I sometimes do, but less often) but instead there's this pause of a day or two. I can get out ahead of it a little by using the pause for very intense rest.
Anyhow, it's all the normal stuff plus some extra sore muscle and audio comprehension stuff this time.
Still, this weekend the town is having its big fair celebration thing. Actually the town has lots, summer solstice is not celebrated but the date is Aboriginal Day, there are some others, and this weekend is Caledonia Days which has events throughout the town, centered around the beach (which is in the middle of town and is lovely and basically a big park).
The art studio will be doing an open house Friday afternoon/evening and I've decided to go in and head down to the pottery part of the studio and do some throwing/answering questions/showing folks around. If my intention was to keep my energy levels very smooth and not crash again it would be a terrible idea, but I feel the strong need to reclaim my own power over my life right now. All the medical stuff comes when it feels like it and I need to respond, I don't really have a choice in how much energy it takes or when it's timed. So sometimes I need to in turn make a choice to use my energy for myself, and for interacting with my community.
The only thing I need to do the following week is to set my place up so I can leave it when I take Avallu to surgery. That means buying a couple more float valves for the animals, moving the pigs to an area close in but fresh with green, setting up autowaterers and maybe finally making my auto-feeders. That's a lot to do but I have a couple weeks to do it, minus a doctor's appointment with not-my-doctor to hopefully get my ?years overdue? referral for the gynecologist I hope.
Fall is coming. My house was 15C on the main floor this morning. It's cozy in bed and I'm not ready to close the windows yet. Dew is heavy outside in the morning. Litte by little I'm tucking parts of the garden in for winter, though I won't get to all of it I think.
I'm alive, still alive into my bonus time, and glad of it.
Thinking through things is bad, because it uses up energy and I'm no longer good enough at it to get an energy return from optimizing things. Thinking through things is good because, well, maybe it isn't.
Whiskey went in to the vet to get two teeth pulled the other day, including his one long, cracked fang. I made the backseat of the truck into a bed, took him in, napped, went to the extra fancy garden center's half-off sale (my birthday was at the beginning of the week so) and learned that hellebores overwinter here (!!!!!), bought a grape vine and some flowering perennials, ate at an overpriced restaurant that had air conditioning, napped in the truck again, picked up Whiskey, got stuck in traffic, and came home.
I'm still recovering but so is Whiskey so we're doing it together. I can't believe how lucky I've been in my animals. They're just all so... loving. And, all things considered, unbelievably well behaved. Little Bear hasn't broken a dish in a year or something?
It's interesting to observe my symptoms so clearly. Normally I don't do a day that big, but if I'm going to crash it's because of an accumulation of things on top of what I thought I could manage already, like I visited a friend and then have to answer disability questions unexpectedly or have a doctor's appointment and then something emotional happens, in the same two week period. But I've had two days now that were extremely big days, the Friday which was two interpersonal things plus whatever else it was, doctors I think and scheduling an appointment, and then the Monday which was the vet, and I was still wobbly on Monday tbh.
There's a distinct delay before the issues set in, which I think is why it's hard to be really knife-brutal about cutting things off at the time. I don't immediately collapse (well, I sometimes do, but less often) but instead there's this pause of a day or two. I can get out ahead of it a little by using the pause for very intense rest.
Anyhow, it's all the normal stuff plus some extra sore muscle and audio comprehension stuff this time.
Still, this weekend the town is having its big fair celebration thing. Actually the town has lots, summer solstice is not celebrated but the date is Aboriginal Day, there are some others, and this weekend is Caledonia Days which has events throughout the town, centered around the beach (which is in the middle of town and is lovely and basically a big park).
The art studio will be doing an open house Friday afternoon/evening and I've decided to go in and head down to the pottery part of the studio and do some throwing/answering questions/showing folks around. If my intention was to keep my energy levels very smooth and not crash again it would be a terrible idea, but I feel the strong need to reclaim my own power over my life right now. All the medical stuff comes when it feels like it and I need to respond, I don't really have a choice in how much energy it takes or when it's timed. So sometimes I need to in turn make a choice to use my energy for myself, and for interacting with my community.
The only thing I need to do the following week is to set my place up so I can leave it when I take Avallu to surgery. That means buying a couple more float valves for the animals, moving the pigs to an area close in but fresh with green, setting up autowaterers and maybe finally making my auto-feeders. That's a lot to do but I have a couple weeks to do it, minus a doctor's appointment with not-my-doctor to hopefully get my ?years overdue? referral for the gynecologist I hope.
Fall is coming. My house was 15C on the main floor this morning. It's cozy in bed and I'm not ready to close the windows yet. Dew is heavy outside in the morning. Litte by little I'm tucking parts of the garden in for winter, though I won't get to all of it I think.
I'm alive, still alive into my bonus time, and glad of it.
